Third Time Is The Charm Or Is It
by Brels
Summary: Will Callie find it in heart to forgive her wife? Is she making the wrong decision. Cristina will play a major role with Meredith and some of Derek
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter One

We were standing in the doctor's lounge facing off against each other after I discovered her infidelity with Boswell. Arizona was screaming at me, yelling at me that I have lost nothing. At first, I was so stunned, taken aback with the words Arizona was using. When she offered to cut off my leg to even the score is when I snapped out of it, I walked right up to her and got right in her face as I pointed a finger at her chest, "I have lost our baby, my best friend, Lexie was a friend too, and I just lost my wife, you're a self centered, selfish bitch so fuck you!"

I saw it finally register to Arizona what I had said about the baby, just as she opened her mouth to say something I stopped at the door, looked at her and said, "I will get Sofia, there is no need for you to come back home again. I will file papers tomorrow for a divorce, I will be packed and out of the apartment within the week. Once I am gone, you can have the apartment. I want nothing from you, as for Sofia, she was never part of your plan, remember? You informed me she was my daughter. Once a whore, always a whore who never really wanted commitment. All you had to do was say you didn't want to be married anymore, you didn't have to be a cheater."

I continued out the door as she was yelling at me again, I headed to daycare to sign out Sofia.

I had just gotten to daycare when Cristina asked me if everything was ok? I looked at her with no emotion, "Dr Robbins thought it was best to cheat on her wife last night. While we were all saving lives she and Boswell enjoyed the on call room. Imagine that, Dr Yang," I said while I was finishing signing Sofia out. I heard Cristina say, "I am so sorry Callie."

I looked at her and said, "Don't bother apologizing to me Yang, according to Dr Robbins I haven't lost a thing since I wasn't on the plane, only you doctors that were on the plane lost something."

I saw Arizona approach out the corner of my eye, wanting to get out of here quickly I stepped it up to speed walking with Sofia to the elevator. I was so grateful we did not have to wait, I heard her yell to me to hold the elevator, 'Like hell,' I thought.

We made it to the lobby quickly and I continued to speed walk all the way to the apartment.

I know I have overstepped the line as soon as the words leave my mouth, and the worst thing is that I only partly mean them. The anger and bitterness is a small but ever present part of me. I cannot believe I gave voice to it. I see the devastation on her face before her face shuts down, shutting me out. Oh God, what have I done? I want to take it all back but I know it's too late, as I feel my own heartbreaking Callie starts to speak, I am hoping that she knows how sorry I am.

"I have lost our baby, my best friend, Lexie was a friend too, and I just lost my wife, you're a self centered, selfish bitch so fuck you!"

Baby? It worked? And she never told me?

"I will get Sofia, there is no need for you to come back home again. I will file papers tomorrow for a divorce, I will be packed and out of the apartment within the week. Once I am gone, you can have the apartment. I want nothing from you, as for Sofia, she was never part of your plan, remember? You informed me she was my daughter. Once a whore, always a whore who never really wanted commitment. All you had to do was say you didn't want to be married anymore, you didn't have to be a cheater."

No, no, no, no, no. This is not happening; she cannot be leaving and taking my baby girl. I can barely breathe the pain in my heart hurts so badly.

Once Sofia and I were safely inside, I put the chain on the door then go straight to put Sofia down to finish her nap. I hurried to the bedroom, grabbed a suitcase, opened it, throwing in an assortment of clothing for her, I grabbed her bathroom products and her crutches, knowing Arizona would try to come in. I heard her keys in the lock, when she realized the chain was on the door she knew. I yelled for her to wait a minute, I unchained the door tossed everything into the hallway and said, "That is all you need for now until I make further arrangements."

Arizona went to speak but I threw my hand up as I told her to shut up, I stepped back and closed the door in her face. I slid down the door, my emotions getting the best of me; I just sat there and cried. I heard my cell phone go off, but made no attempt to get it. After sitting on the floor for over an hour I got up to make a cup of tea to trying to gather my emotions. I looked at my phone and saw a lot of missed calls and text messages from Arizona; I chose to delete them all. I saw one from Cristina saying she would be over by herself for dinner; she needs to talk to me.

It took me longer to hurry after Callie than it should have, I almost managed to catch up to her in the elevator, but I get to our front door and am confronted with the chain blocking my entrance. We never use the chain. Not even when we are home.

Callie calls out to me to wait and I bolster myself ready to fight for my family, for myself.

Before I can get a word out, Callie throws my things at me, and slams the door in my face.

"Callie, please, don't do this; just give me a chance to explain."

I slap the door and wait, hoping she will give in, it is only when I hear her sobs that I realize I am not going to get anywhere with her today, so reluctantly I pick up my belongings and leave.

I was laying on the couch trying not to think about anything when I heard Sofia crying, I got up to go to her, I brought her back to the lounge area to calm down. We were just settling when there was a knock at the door. I looked through the peephole; I would not put it past Arizona to come

back. Fortunately, it was just Cristina; just as I was going to unchain the door, I asked Cristina if she was alone.

"Hey, come on in, I didn't start dinner so you're out of luck there."

"Callie, I really am sorry for what happened, I saw Arizona screaming at Boswell in the parking lot as I was walking over here."

"Cris, I really don't give a shit, so please tell me you didn't come here to defend her."

"No, I came here because if you're leaving we are going together, I am Sofia's Godmother, let's face it Cal, things in my life, well, just suck. It is over for Owen and me, and I cannot be here to watch him meet a new woman and make a family, I just cannot take it anymore. I have not been happy for some time, I just need to go. I would feel better to have you with me or you could say, me with you, but we need each other. Seems like we are both back to square one, just me and you, like the old times, except we have this beautiful little girl to entrance us."

"Cris, you don't even like kids, why are you doing this?"

"Look, I need you as much as you need me right now, I love Sofia, Callie please, let's just do this. We should just resign, effective immediately, take our time and drive cross country to New York. What do you think? We can find a place to live, find jobs, it's not like we don't have money Callie."

"I need to think, Cris. I want a divorce immediately from her, after all her verbal and emotional abuse over the past year, her telling me Sofia is mine to take care of, getting her through her rehab, it's too much. I know you guys have been through something completely horrible; I don't even want to imagine it. But now she slept with someone she knew for three God damn days Cris. I was not allowed to sleep with her never mind touch her. It is my fault she lost her leg, she knows that I gave the order, but does not even know it was her boy Alex that cut off her leg because she was crashing. How ironic is it that she took Alex off that plane to punish him, and he is the asshole that cut it off, it should have been him. What was I supposed to do? Let her die? Well Yang, the answer to that is yes, she said she would rather be dead."

Cristina looked at me, astonished, as her jaw dropped, "Torres, have you never spoken to anyone about everything you have been through?"

I shook my head no as the tears just rolled down my cheeks, I whispered to Yang, "I never even got to mourn my lost baby properly, then with Mark dying on me, she never even let me mourn my best friend, Cristina, I miss him. I miss Mark. I want my baby back too. Cris, this isn't how it is supposed to be."

Cristina went and sat next to Callie, holding her while she cried for hours. Yang never shows emotions, but tonight she did with Callie as she helped her cry over the loss of her baby and best friend. Callie fell asleep on the couch, exhausted from the emotions and from crying. Yang fed Sofia then played with her Goddaughter, all the while thinking she needed to tell Cal what happened out there, at the crash site. Thoughts of causing harm to Robbins for what she had just done to her good friend.

She may have been the one to carry the physical scars from the crash, but we all carry the emotional scars and nowhere in my brain does it say to cheat, how the fuck could she throw this beautiful woman and her daughter away? I think back on the lies I heard her tell Mark while he

lay there fighting to stay alive. I heard her promise that if she made it out of there she would take care of their girls; Mark promised her the same back while they were both dying slowly. This is how you take care of someone? Does Cal know about roller girl's broken promise to Mark? I think before we leave I have to confront Robbins. That bitch needs to be told off and I am just the person to do it.

How can she just up and leave? This is all her fault. She broke her promise, she cut my leg off, and she made me less than whole. Why is she the one whose side people take? I am the injured party here. It is all her fault, if she had come to the hospital in Idaho, she could have saved my leg. She is the best at Ortho; it would have been easy for her. She let me down; she was not there for me. Why do I get to be the bad person here?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Two

It had been a few days since their confrontation, finally Callie had a meeting with the attorney; she took Sofia with her to his office. He had all the documents ready for her to sign.

I told Callie that I would be happy to go over and serve Arizona myself when I go over to hand in our letters of resignation. In the meantime, I have called NY Presbyterian; we both have interviews in one month's time. I explained we were driving cross-country and needed to find a place to live. I heard the door open just as I hung up, Cal had returned with Sofia. "How did it go?"

"How did you make out, Cristina?" Callie replied, bypassing my question.

"Good, we both have interviews a month from now, I wanted to give us some time off and look for a place to live."

"Yeah we need to discuss the living arrangements, don't we?'

"Callie, do you have all your documents ready?"

"Yes."

"Good, because I have our resignation letters prepared, I just need you to read yours and sign it, and then I will take them over there while you stay here, maybe make us a home cooked meal. I will finish gathering my stuff, and donate what I don't need. Oh, I also contacted Avery's

mother in a confidential call to see if the foundation will buy our shares. I do not think I will ever come back here to work. I need a fresh start in my life, I know I tried the Mayo Clinic, but I wasn't ready to be out like I thought I was. With us each supporting one another I think we will be fine, Cal."

I walked over to the hospital knowing Arizona's schedule and headed straight to the cafeteria, so I could humiliate her as she did Callie, let us see if she can hold her head high after this. I walked right in, saw her sitting with Derek, Avery, Alex, Jo, and Lauren was sitting next to Arizona. I threw the sealed envelope on the table directly in front of her; everyone looked on as I told her to open it. Everyone was watching intently as her eyes filled with tears. Alex asked, "Is everything all right Robbins?"

Arizona would not answer him, so I did it for her. "Those are Robbins divorce papers from Torres, you see, the night of the storm while someone was looking for her she was fucking Boswell in the on call room, instead of helping Alex with the kids on Peds with the parents who were panicking, she thought it best to cheat on her wife."

Lauren said, "Shut up", but I ignored her and continued with, "You do know I looked into your past Dr Boswell and this is your M. O. You find someone who is attractive and married, seduce her without knowing the full story of their lives. Isn't it true you have been asked to leave four other hospitals? You have destroyed other people's relationships?"

Owen walked up and said, "Enough Cristina".

"No Owen, I don't think it is." Next, I threw two more letters at Avery, "Here are mine and Torres' letters to say we resign from the hospital effective today, you will also hear from the Avery Foundation that we sold our shares to them, the transaction will be final by the end of today."

I looked at them all, they looked stunned when I said, "I also want you to know Robbins offered to cut Callie's leg off to even the score." That is when Alex stood up and told me to shut up; I looked at him, then at Robbins.

"It was Alex who cut your leg off Robbins, Arizona also told Callie she lost nothing because we were on the plane not her. She said you lost nothing to Torres!"

I looked directly at Arizona, "You absolutely disgust me and I thought Owen was bad with his cheating, but you way out did yourself here, Robbins. For you not to allow her to mourn her best friend or Lexie, but most of all your baby."

Before I left I looked again at Arizona, "I will be informing you're soon to be ex-wife of your broken promises to Mark."

At this, Arizona stood up and yelled, "Cristina, stop."

I turned around; Arizona said, "Please don't do this".

"Oh, but I am. Torres deserves the truth of what happened out there and you know what? I will tell her everything, so she can heal from the damage the crash did to all of us and heal from all her losses that you think she does not have. The rest of you should be thanking her that you're owners of this hospital, because without Torres you all would be robots."

Webber stepped in and said, "You're damn right, if wasn't for Torres you wouldn't be sitting here. Yang, I am so sorry for everything as well, you take good care of Torres, because if anyone deserves it, she does, keep in touch."

I was about to leave, but turned back to Arizona, "One more thing Robbins, you did this to yourself".

I headed straight to Meredith's room, I knew that I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to her, I know we will always be each other's person, turning away from a friendship that has given me so much strength over the years isn't easy, but I need to put some distance between me and Seattle.

With that, I turned around and walked out for good, feeling like the weight of the world just lifted from my shoulders.

I arrived back at the apartment to hear yelling in Spanish from Callie, as I walked in she was throwing her arm around, Sofia was looking at her like she was crazy, after she hung up I looked at her expectantly. I watched a smile come to her lips when she said that was her father. "I was telling him what happened and our plans, he offered us his jet, but I told him no, that you and I have a plan. He said he was going to give Arizona a piece of his mind, she told him she was a good man in a storm, 'My ass,' he mumbled, then he had me yelling again, sorry about that."

"So are we leaving in the morning?"

"Cristina, have you packed all you want to take? All of your journals, clothes everything you want?"

"Yes, I have the car packed with the carrier on top, everything we need is packed in already and I have the stuff you wanted to take too, it barely all fit, you still have some boxes left what are we going to do with them?"

"Let's put those in storage here until we have a place in New York to get them shipped to."

The following morning after breakfast we packed the cooler ready for a long journey, Christina headed to the garage to get the car so Sofia and I could meet her out front.

I chanced a glance over to the hospital and saw Arizona standing there watching, when she started walking over to us I hurriedly put Sofia in the car, Cristina had already switched to get into the passenger seat, I jumped into the driver's seat, I looked at Arizona, she looked absolutely awful, I allowed myself one last look and I drove away.

I couldn't believe I was leaving the place I called home, I felt Cristina's eyes on me so I turned to look at her with the tears rolling down my face, I heard her say, "It will be ok, we will get through this together. Callie, I think we should stop by the cemetery for you to see Mark's grave before we drive out to New York."

"Good idea, I think we should, I want to tell him good-bye, thanks Cristina, thanks for looking out for me, and helping me, you're my loyal friend, Yang."

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I was sitting in the cafeteria listening to Derek, Avery, Lauren, Alex and Jo speaking, they had no idea what was going on with me. Alex had said I looked exhausted, like I have not slept in days. I nodded said, "Yeah, I haven't gotten much rest lately." Just as that came out of my mouth Cristina threw the yellow envelope on the table and insisted I open it right then, I had an idea what it was already since Callie said she was filing for a divorce immediately without letting me speak any further, and I really cannot blame her after what I have done to her, Sofia and myself. Therefore, I opened the envelope while looking directly at Cristina. "What, she doesn't have the balls to do this herself?"

I heard Cristina say, "Oh, she had the balls alright, but I really wanted to do this, Robbins."

"What is going on?" Alex said.

"You see Karev; these are divorce papers from Torres."

"Are you kidding me, Yang?"

"Lauren had a big grin on her face."

"No guys, I am not kidding. Robbins here, the night of the storm,"

"Enough, Yang." I said.

Cristina ploughed on, "Was in the on call room fucking Boswell's brains out while the rest of us were saving lives, she was too busy to answer our pages or her wife's pages, even your page Derek. After Bailey was born, with the power still out, she left Alex and Jo to handle all the babies and parents!"

I was sitting there filling with tears and rage at the same time when we heard Owen yell, "Enough."

"No, I don't think so Owen." Then another two envelopes came across the table to Avery, "These are mine and Torres' letters to say that we resign effective immediately, we have contacted your mother at the foundation she agreed to buy our shares, and the transaction will be final tonight".

Then I heard, "Oh Robbins, you have some nerve telling your wife she lost nothing because she wasn't on the plane, because she lost everything too, like your baby, her best friend, Lexie, who the fuck do you think you are Robbins? You would not even let her mourn the death of your baby or Mark and Lexie! You wouldn't be working the way you are if she didn't tell us to buy this hospital."

Everyone sitting at the table was now looking at me when Yang continued with, "You disgust me that you would offer to cut off her leg to even the score? Who the fuck are you anymore?" Then I snapped, "She took my fucking leg, Yang!"

"To save your fucking life Robbins. Fuck you, Robbins, your boy over there," Alex interjected, "Shut up, Yang."

"Your boy over there was the one who cut your fucking leg off!"

I looked to Alex, he lowered his head and said he was sorry for not telling me and letting Callie take the blame for it. I was mortified; the whole cafeteria is now hearing the fight.

Lauren tried putting her arm around me, I said, "What the fuck are you doing? Why are you even still at this hospital?" That is when Cristina went to speak but Lauren interrupted and told her to shut up, but she continued with, "You do know I looked into your past Dr Boswell and this is your M. O. You find someone who is attractive and married seduce her without knowing the full story of their lives. Isn't it true you have been asked to leave four other hospitals? You have destroyed other people's relationships?" Lauren said, "You are one messed up woman, Robbins."

"One more thing Robbins, I just want to know one thing from you, would you rather your brother was alive but missing a limb? No, you wouldn't, I'll answer for you, you would rather be dead isn't that what you told Torres, as well as that Sofia was her daughter to take care of, not yours? You are just wonderful Robbins, all perky and full of sunshine. I will be informing Callie of what happened on that mountain, I will tell her about the plane crash and I will definitely be telling her how you promised Mark that you would take care of his girls."

That is when I stood up, balled my hands into fists as Webber blocked my arm just when Yang finished with, "Yeah, I heard your whole conversation."

Webber then told Yang to, "Be good and take care of Torres, she needs it, keep in touch Yang."

Cristina was about to leave but turned back to say, "You brought this all on yourself, Robbins."

Everyone was staring at me with disbelief in their eyes, I picked up my envelope and looked at Alex, I said, "Do not fucking talk to me unless it is work related." I heard Avery say, "Robbins, go home, take some time off until the board and the foundation look further into the night of the storm and your whereabouts."

"Dr Boswell, your services are no longer needed here, before you leave the board will need a report on your whereabouts the night of the storm."

I went straight to my office, closed, and locked the door; I collapsed on my couch and cried.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N - Co written with Providence26

Chapter 3

I awoke to knocking on my door; rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I slowly and grudgingly get up to answer the door. It was Meredith, clutching her IV pole in one hand and the back of her gown in the other. She was supposed to be in bed, her operation had left her weak. I moved to allow her into my office, bracing myself for what was about to come.

"How could you do this?"

"It's none of your business, Grey?"

"It is every bit my business, both as a mother whose child was on the ward you were neglecting during an emergency and as a board member who would have been held jointly culpable if something had happened because of your negligence. What were you thinking?"

"I...I wasn't really."

"That's not good enough Arizona, we've lost Callie and Cristina, we're understaffed and we're facing a costly rebuild with two of our best gone. We just have to pray that no one finds out that one of our remaining best doctors is outed as a person who abandons babies during a crisis."

I look up at her incensed and ready to fight back, but I have no ammunition against these charges, they are all true.

"Does the board want my resignation?"

"Right now I am not here representing the board, believe me if I was, I wouldn't be doing it with a bare ass. I came as a mother of a newborn who is under your care. If I had my way there would be serious repercussions for you, but as someone who was there with you Arizona, who understands what happened to get you to the place where you find yourself now, I need to tell you to get some help."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not. A lot of bad stuff has happened to you in a really short period of time, some of it out of your control, and some of it your own doing, weaker people would have buckled, but you are a fighter, Arizona. You can get through this. You need to fix what you did."

"I haven't done anything wrong."

"Are you kidding me? You cheated on your wife. You cheated on her with a fellow doctor where you both work with your own daughter a few floors away, in the middle of a storm, where you were responsible for children's lives. At what point does any of that seem okay to you? I get that you are angry with her, she made the call to amputate, but you would have died Arizona. You cannot seriously have expected your wife to make a call that would have resulted in her losing her wife, in her daughter losing yet another parent. You need to talk to someone. There is no shame in it, we all did it, and it really helped. If you don't, you are probably going to end up losing even more than you already have."

I awoke early in the morning, I washed and dressed before walking out of the hospital, preparing to go and See Callie and Sofia. I saw Cristina pull up in front of our building and get out of Callie's car. Callie came out of the building with Sofia; she looked directly at me, and then bent down to put Sofia in her car seat. I knew I needed to try to get to her before she took off for good. I just couldn't walk fast enough, by the time I got to the road Callie looked at me one more time, I could see she was crying as she drove off.

I stood there and watched my family drive away without me. I couldn't move as I felt my heart break, I heard a horn blowing loudly, I just stood looking at the driver while my tears rolled down my cheeks. I finally moved over to the sidewalk to sit on the step to gather my thoughts.

Eventually, I got up to go upstairs to our apartment to see if maybe Calliope left me a note or a letter.

I willed the elevator to hurry up, rushing to get in when the doors finally opened. I immediately just kept hitting the five button. I got to the door, I had my keys ready in my hand, I opened the door and couldn't believe what I saw. The apartment was wrecked, books on the floor, dishes all over the place. I maneuvered my way to Sofia's room, everything was gone except the furniture, I walked over to our bedroom; it was worse than the living room. Callie had emptied the closet of her clothes, along with her dresser. She left a few pictures with the glass and frame broken. I walked into the bathroom; it seemed to be the cleanest room of the apartment. I made my way back to the kitchen, found one bottle of wine. I opened it and drank it straight from the bottle.

I sat there wondering how the hell have I gotten to this point. She really left. I started to sob, my Calliope really left me, she has my baby girl, and how could she leave me here all alone? I tried to call her repeatedly, for the past few hours I have tried. I have sent multiple text messages without getting any response. I have tried Cristina as well with no luck. I have no idea where the hell she is going. I looked again at the envelope and pulled out the divorce papers, flipping through the pages, saw that Callie had signed all her areas, then I noticed the papers for adoption with a note from Callie attached.

"Arizona, we never got around to filing this, as you can see there is only your signature on it. Maybe once you get your life straightened out you can see Sofia, but for now, it is best for all parties that we have no contact. You never really wanted children and Sofia is young enough to forget you. You are not well Arizona, I believe you need help, and I am not the person who can fix you. Sofia and I can no longer take your verbal abuse. I am trying to come to terms with you feeling it was okay to cheat and break your vows. You feel I deserve this. No one deserves what we have been through; I always believed our love was strong enough to withstand anything the world throws at us. I should have known better with you, because you are a runner, and a bailer Arizona. Untamable, isn't that right? Just sign the divorce papers right away, set us free from you. Mail them back in the envelope enclosed, it's as simple as that, the same way it was simple for you to break your vows."

I was sitting on the floor sobbing when I heard my phone ringing, I picked it up quickly, hoping it was Callie, disappointed to see it was my Mom, I want to talk to her, I just cannot bear to tell her what her daughter has done. I hit the ignore button, got up, poured the rest of the wine into a glass and made my way to the couch. As I was getting ready to remove my leg, I realized I did not even have my crutches here. I grabbed my wine and headed to the bedroom, to change. I climbed into bed, removed my leg, finished my wine, and tried again to contact Callie. I tried Cristina again too. I felt all hope drain from me as I lay on the bed, crying myself to sleep again.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Four

I drove us to the cemetery with tears rolling down my face, I have never felt so alone in my life, I heard Cristina telling me she will help me get through this, I was clinging to this thread of friendship. I was looking out the window of the car as we parked when I said, "Cris, I hope I am doing the right thing by leaving here." I did not wait for a response, I knew what she was going to tell me and she is right, we need to just go, there is so much that has happened to all of us this past year and a half. Cristina played with Sofia while I walked over to Mark and Lexie's grave. I really felt empty standing there when it finally hit me how much I miss him. I sat on the damp grass just telling Mark everything that has happened to us.

Sofia was calling me; I looked up when Cristina brought her to me. Cristina stepped away to give me some privacy while I finished saying good-bye to Mark. Sofia looked up at me and clumsily wiped my tears, "Mommy no cry," and kissed me on the cheek.

Cristina came back over and picked up Sofia, "Let's get on with the road trip. Callie, I have our route to New York mapped out, it might take a little longer since I prefer not to go through Idaho, we will head south-east down to Oregon until we get to Nevada then get a hotel, if Sofia is okay traveling that long with some breaks. I will Google to see if there are some sights we might like to see."

We had been driving for at least four hours and I really had to pee, I looked over to see Cristina staring out of the window deep in thought, I wondered what she was thinking.

"Hey, I have to pee and we need gas, I also need to feed Sofia and let her stretch because we don't want cranky pants. I thought we could get some lunch, let Sofia run around a little before we hit the road again. Then we can follow your plan and get a hotel in Nevada. We are about four hours from there. Sound like a plan, Yang?"

We are back to driving again, Cristina behind the wheel this time. Both of us deep in thought, I do not think either of us knew what we were honestly feeling. I do not think I have ever seen Yang show so many emotions as this past week. It seems so much has just hit her too. I looked over at Cristina and said, "I miss her you know, I think I will always love her no matter what". My eyes started to tear up again.

"I know Cal, I don't know that you will ever get over her, she was your soul mate, the love of your life. I have never seen two people so in love. I would never have dreamt with everything you women have been through that this is how it would end. However, I promise Callie, we will talk everything through, I will tell you everything that happened in the woods. Let's get further away from their first; as we travel we will talk."

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It's been days since Cristina gave me the divorce papers, I have left countless messages on Callie's phone, sent texts and even resorted to trying to reach her through is falling apart; I have an official disciplinary on my record for abandoning my post during the storm. The board let me know exactly how they view my 'liaison' with Lauren on work premises

during work hours. Derek and Meredith both made it very clear that had I just been an employee and not a board member that they would have looked into firing me for unprofessional conduct, they viewed us both leaving interns to cope as endangering our most vulnerable patients. I know I have lost so much of the respect I have worked so hard to attain, and it seems, taken for granted.

I have been suspended; all this has done is given me more time to think about how unfair my life is. I had everything, a beautiful wife and daughter, a fantastic career and I destroyed it with a short journey on a plane.

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Sofia had fallen asleep after our second stop, Cris convinced me to drive to Winnemucca, Nevada to get a hotel. We were exhausted from driving for so long. We were up in the mountains with a spectacular view from the window in our room. I played with Sofia for a while and Cris ordered us some food. She made sure we stopped and bought some wine and tequila for the room. Once we finished with dinner, I allowed Sofia to run around to stretch from being in the car seat for so long. I told Cris I wanted to bathe Sofia first then take a long hot bath if she would watch Sofia and read her a story.

Sometime later, I heard a knock on the bathroom door; it was Cris asking if I was okay. I opened the door, my eyes red and puffy from crying while in the tub from the stress of my decision to just uproot and leave.

"Callie, I am going to shower while you put Sofia to bed then I think I am going to tell you a story."

I looked at her with a nod of my head to let her know I heard her. I picked up Sofia climbed into bed with her, turned the TV on for some Dora to have Sofia unwind from the day. We got cozy enough that I must have fallen asleep too, I felt Cristina shaking my arm to wake up. "No Cris, let's talk over breakfast, I am exhausted from today. We can talk after we eat, relax a little before we head to Great Salt Lake, which is where I want to stop for the night again. I cannot stay in the car for another twelve hours or more, it is just too much for Sofia and for me."

"Alright, get some much-needed sleep; we'll talk in the morning."

I do not feel completely rested as I expected and hoped I would. I walked to the bathroom but slowed when I saw Cristina sitting by the window with a cup of coffee; she was staring into space and did not seem to notice me.

Ablutions completed, I come back out to the main room, Sofia was watching some cartoons, and Cris had ordered room service for us. "Here's a coffee, I went out early to get us one," Cristina said. I sat down at the table watching Cristina, waiting for her to begin, "We all got on that plane with a plan to go to Idaho to separate the twins. I sat with Derek and Meredith in the back on the left side while Mark and Lexie sat across the aisle from us. Arizona sat by herself in her own world staring out the window two rows ahead of me. We were all talking about the surgery except for Arizona. Then Mark and Lexie lowered their voices to talk, I assume about their relationship. We were not too far into the trip, maybe an hour or less, when we hit turbulence. Jerry, the pilot, told us to get our seat belts on immediately, but it was too late, the plane started going down, we all started to panic. I grabbed Meredith's hand, Derek had her other hand, then the unimaginable happened, the plane started to tear apart."

I was watching Cristina closely as she is telling me this with tears rolling down her cheeks, reliving this awful ordeal. I reach across to comfort her.

"No Cal, please, just listen." I nodded a yes as she continued with, "Derek desperately tried to hold on to Meredith as she is screaming for him not to let go but it was impossible, he was sucked out, Meredith was right behind and I knew I was next but before I flew out, Arizona was hurled into the top of the plane as it snapped in half, I think I went out to the left while Mark and Lexie just dropped from the sky. Once we were on the ground, I could not believe I was walking and talking, no broken bones. I found Meredith right away, she could walk, but her shoulder looked like it was popped out of place, we heard screaming so we followed the noise. Once we got there it was Arizona, she was stuck under a section of the plane. Mark walked over in shock as well, I yelled for your wife to shut up. We were all in shock, Meredith, Mark, and I had no physical damage, or broken bones except for Meredith's shoulder, which Mark helped me, pop in back in. Mark and I lifted the part of the plane of Arizona while Meredith helped pull her out with her one good arm. Oh my god did she scream, it was awful Callie, when I finally looked at her I saw her femur was broken and sticking right through her scrubs. We knew we could not keep moving her so we got her next to a tree for some shelter and something for her to lean against. Mark took off looking for Lexie while Meredith and I went looking for Derek."

As I was listening to Cristina, I could not stop the tears as they fell, I felt her pain; I felt all their pain as she was describing the details of the crash. There was knock on the door from room service, I let them in. Cris sat there as I fed Sofia some breakfast. I fixed Cris a plate but she would not eat. So I warmed up her coffee for her as she sat with the tears still rolling down her cheeks.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Five

I drove for the first part of our journey, heading to Hoover Dam for our next stop. I was still processing everything Cris has told me about the crash. I still cannot even begin to wrap my head around what they had endured and the terror they must have felt. Arizona would not tell me a thing or even attempt to discuss it. I tried to be there for her to tell me what happened but she continually refused. I at least, now understand one of Arizona's nightmares that she was having over falling. I would hear her screaming at night for me to catch her, but she would never let me touch her when I would go into the bedroom to try and comfort her and pull her out of her nightmare. Sofia was babbling in the back so I turned up the radio to try and take some tension out of the car, as I did so I saw Yang out the corner of my eye smile when I started singing to Sofia. "Come on Cris, sing with us." She shook her head no, while I continued to sing.

"Cal, I have to use the bathroom, besides we are half way through getting to the Hoover Dam to get an hotel. I am hungry, the car needs gas and we need to let Sofia stretch."

"How about some Chinese for lunch at the buffet here? We can take our time eating, maybe stop over at the park we saw, before we drive the last three hours to the dam and get a hotel."

"Sure Torres, sounds like a plan, we are in no hurry. Besides, I have to keep my goddaughter happy too. Look at the pictures I took back at our last stop and at the hotel play room. I sent them to your email for you. "

"I didn't know you were taking pictures of us."

"I took the flash off so you wouldn't know, we have to have a book of our road trip. Look at these postcards I picked up."

"Yang, I had no idea you had it in you to do things like this."

"Shut up Torres, stop making fun of me."

"Thanks Cris, this was really thoughtful, thanks for looking out for us."

"You know I will never admit any of this to anyone, so if you rat me out you will pay, Torres."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Tough, hard Yang, don't let anyone know what a big heart you really have, I got it."

"Cal, I am going to drive the rest of the way to Hoover Dam, what side of the dam do you want to stay on?'

"Let's stay on the other side, closer to Arizona, then tomorrow we can go to the Grand Canyon, get a hotel for a day or two there then go to Flagstaff, just to visit, on our way to Albuquerque where we will stop for the night again."

I heard a beeping in the back seat, it was Sofia. Cris bought Sofia one of the steering wheels you can attach to car seat so she can feel like she is more part of the trip driving by making noises. I looked back at Sofia when she said, "Mommy I drive like Cristina."

"I see that Sofia, you're doing good too." I snapped a photo of her then one of Cristina driving.

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I have been spending the past few hours walking around our apartment, my apartment now, I guess. I have been thinking about the blissfully happy times spent here, and the awful strained silent moments, the arguments, the celebrations. Even when I was screaming my abuse at Callie, spewing forth my anger at the injustice I have suffered, even then I could see that she loved me, I didn't feel it at the time, I was so busy hating myself, the situation, filled with despair at the prospect that this was now my life. I stopped remembering everything good that was still in it.

I open the refrigerator to get a drink and see one of Sofia's juice boxes still there. I am suddenly assaulted by the memory of calling her Callie's daughter. Oh God, how could I deny my own child?

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We finally arrived at the dam, I was excited to see it, I think Cris was too. We decided to take a tour, we were both so impressed we left in awe of this man made structure with a lot of pictures.

We made it to the hotel in good time and checked in, deciding to go to a restaurant for a change of pace. I pulled out my cell phone, forgetting I have left it off for the past few days. Once I turned it on it beeped constantly with messages and voice mails. I placed mine and Sofia's order then looked at my phone, it was Arizona, she must have sent a hundred text and almost as many voicemails. I showed Cris my phone, when she asked what I was going to do, I looked at her as I deleted them. I called my dad to tell him where we were after I listened to his message. I watch Yang check her phone too, she showed me a lot of messages from Arizona with voice mails too. Our waiter showed up just in time, things were getting awkward there for a minute as guilt was starting to hit me and I think Cris noticed it.

"Hey let's grab a six pack of beer and some snacks for the room on our way back, I would like to continue where I left off, Cal."

After returning to our room I bathed Sofia she was tired and ready for bed. Once I laid her down she was out in minutes. Cristina went to take a shower next, while I waited for my turn I decided to start a journal of our trip. I pulled out my laptop and just started typing how I was feeling and the sights we were seeing, by the time Yang came out of the bathroom I was once again crying. I was filled with so much emotion, putting into words what Arizona has done, saying good bye to Mark to the details of the plane crash.

"Cal, you ok?"

"Yeah, I decided to write a journal and all these emotions just came out of me, sorry Cris."

"Hey, it's okay, if it helps I am all for it. When you get done with your bath I would like to continue where I left off, so go get relaxed then we can talk."

When I came out of the bathroom Cristina was sitting on her bed leaning against the headboard with her eyes closed.

"You sleeping over there?"

"No."

"You want anything before I get comfortable here?"

"Nope."

I laid down, closed my eyes, I felt myself start to drift off until I heard Cristina say, "We gathered some straight sticks while looking for something to tie them together to make a splint for Arizona. She wouldn't let me do it, she told us to find the others, I gave her everything to work with and I went with Meredith to find Derek while Mark branched off to find Lexie. We agreed to meet back by Arizona in two hours to check on each other before it got dark. We heard Arizona screaming as she splinted her own leg. We found Derek stuck under part of the plane pretty far away from the rest of the wreckage. His hand was caught in this small hole, we couldn't get it out, he tried so hard knowing he was going damage it. I gave him a stick to bite down on while he ripped his hand out, that is how it got damaged. He held the flap of skin that tore open until we got back to Arizona. He and Meredith sat on a different tree from her while I was looking

through the luggage for what supplies we could use. None of us packed anything, we were supposed to be home that same night. Jerry, the pilot, told us where I would find a first aid kit if it was still there. It was, but some of the contents had fallen out, I took what I could. I gave Derek the safety pin and a stick to bite on again as he pinned the flap down, wrapped it with the shirt I gave him. I heard Mark screaming for help earlier, but we were too far apart and by the time I got there I heard him telling Lexie how he really was always in love with her and how sorry he was. She was completely pinned from the waist down by the whole tail end of the plane, there was no moving it. He stayed with her until her last breath. He came walking up and told Meredith she just passed away. Meredith, who you know doesn't like to cry like me, just broke. It was so painful to watch all this. He was just sitting in tears, when I realized he had a cardiac tamponade. I got him close to Arizona, laid his head on her good leg. I found some matches gathered some wood, started us a fire. Jerry kept saying they would find us, he put out a mayday. Arizona spoke to him the most, I think it helped until Jerry no longer responded. I also found a couple of water bottles that we shared. At first I didn't know who was worse off to be honest, until I finally looked at Arizona's leg, she didn't have a choice when she started screaming something was crawling in it. I picked out bugs that were eating her Callie, I saw them eating her flesh, I could see the muscle damage, her tissue was turning black, she knew she was going to lose that leg, but she completely shut down thinking about it, all she said was she was married to the best ortho surgeon. Her wife would take care of her."

I was bawling at this point at the details I was hearing, it was making me nauseated just thinking about what Arizona went through, feeling the bugs in her leg like that. I just can't listen to anymore right now so I asked Yang to stop for now. I looked over at Cristina, she had her eyes closed trying to get her own emotions in check. I climbed out of bed over to her and pulled her into a hug that I knew she would hate, to my surprise she hugged me back so tightly. I softly spoke to her saying that if she didn't want to go through with finishing this she didn't have to, I knew it was taking a toll on her.

"No Cal, I need to do this, for me too, I need to get this out. Meredith and Derek would only talk to each other about it, Meredith wouldn't talk to me or allow me to talk to her. I probably should have stayed in counseling longer, but you know yourself we just try to shut down because it is easier, you know. I accused your wife of that too and look at me, I have done the same thing."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Six

After an emotional night with Yang we got up, had some breakfast then headed out to Flagstaff, Arizona for lunch. Then we headed to the Grand Canyon for the rest of the day . We got a room, I scheduled us a tour to go check it out. Sofia was having a ball looking at the horses and the

donkeys. We found a museum to go through with a kid's program for Sofia. I signed Sofia off for some kiddies fun, I thought Cristina could use a break, when I said this she got defensive and said, "I am having a good time Callie, I don't need a break from you or Sofia. I am itching a little for surgery but I feel like I needed this trip as much as you. I need to get this out before New York, I want to start fresh and leave all this baggage behind. This is really helping me too."

We had a ball at the Grand Canyon, we are now on our way to Albuquerque for our next stop. I was driving, Cris was staring out the passenger window and Sofia was asleep with a full stomach after we had stopped to eat again. We still had another four hours to go when Cris said, "Did I ever tell you about my father Callie?"

"No."

"Well, from what I remember, he was a good dad. I was about ten years old, he and I were out together when a drunk driver hit us. I don't remember how it all happened, but I held his hand until the paramedics got there. I watched my father die there at scene, it was the worst day of my life until the plane crash. He is why I became I doctor. I miss him every day, with every breath. I never talk about him or my mother. She is a good woman but she drives me crazy. My mother thinks I should be married and settle down with kids. Oh, she was pissed when I told her I didn't want kids. We had words because I was not following tradition."

"I had no idea, Cris, I am sorry you didn't have your dad to grow up with. I am sure he was a great man. Thanks for sharing something so personal from you. I know how to keep my mouth shut."

"I never told Meredith either."

"Why don't we talk about living arrangements when we get to New York, something to look forward to. I think I want a house for Sofia, so she can have a yard with a swing set. Maybe a three bedroom with a wraparound porch, fireplace, has to have a master bedroom with a Jacuzzi, large walk in shower. It has to have a large kitchen too, What are you going to do?"

"Live with you and Sofia for awhile until we get settled, you okay with that?"

"Yes I am good with that for awhile, but there is only one problem Cris, you have to clean up after yourself, not like when we lived together back at the apartment."

"I know, I will. You cook and do laundry, I will vacuum and dust some."

"Alright then, when we get to the hotel let's look up a realtor for that area tell them what we want so maybe she will have something to show us once we arrive in New York."

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I have to get in contact with Callie somehow, I want to speak to her, I want to see her and for her to see in my eyes how sorry I am. I am sorry. I am not so self absorbed that I don't feel remorse for what I have done. There are moments when I feel like Callie deserved what I did to her, and then the doctor in me won't let me forget that I would be dead if she had not chosen to cut the leg off. I hate myself, I hate that I am not who I was before the crash, I hate that I couldn't cope with the amputation, as a doctor I feel I should have been able to cope better, I

hate that I am now a cheater, and I hate that I have broken Callie's heart in ways that I promised I never would.

I want to say all of this to her, but with every call that goes to voicemail, every text that goes unanswered and every day that passes with no contact I am terrified that I will never get the chance.

I am sitting at my computer, trying to make the words flow from my devastated soul into an email, but I can't, am I so broken that I cannot even compile a whole sentence to send to her? Words were my forte, Callie always said it was my orations that got her attention, that got me second chances and they are failing me now, when I need them the most.

I settle for sending something far short of what is necessary:

Callie

Please. I need to speak to you. Please.

Yours,

Arizona

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We finally arrived in Albuquerque, made it to our hotel and unpacked. I told Cris I wanted to stay an extra day when I found out about the nineteen museums . I think I have realized that being so focused on being the best surgeon I forgot about the rest of the world. The museums here included the National Hispanic Cultural Center and the Indian Pueblo Cultural Center. While Sofia was still sleeping Cris and I looked for a place to go eat and local sights. We laughed when Cris said, "Who would have thought I would enjoy a nice drive and to take time and enjoy this."

"Cris, I want an authentic Mexican dinner."

She agreed, "Let's enjoy ourselves whilst we're here."

After dinner we took Sofia to a park we saw to run around to get her tired out.

While we were sitting on the swings Cris said, "Arizona never complained the whole time we were stuck in the woods. I could hear her and Mark talking about you, how much she loves you. Mark told her she was lucky, that he knew he never had a chance with you other than being best friends. He admitted to Arizona he was always jealous of her and your relationship together. They talked about Sofia being born, how she was the highlight for the both of them. You and Sofia were everything to them, thoughts of you girls kept them alive. I think it was only me and Meredith that didn't have to sit in our own urine and feces. We smelled so bad. By the third day Jerry succumbed to his injuries, we were down to one bottle of water between us and your wife started to cough up blood. I knew she was the worst off, I did my best to keep her leg clean, but she refused to discuss anything about it being amputated, she just kept saying your name, that you were coming, you would save us all. The thoughts of you, Sofia, and Zola kept us all alive. Meredith was still in shock over Lexie's death, while Derek was starting to slip in and

out of consciousness from the infection in his hand. Things were looking mighty bad by now and we were starting to give up hope. I will finish later Callie."

Sofia was calling me so I looked over and the little stinker had climbed the slide. I looked at Cris to make sure she was okay, she wiped some tears away but nodded a silent affirmation to me. I used my sleeve to wipe my own tears away during my walk to the slide to catch Sofia. She refused to come down because she got scared, so Cris climbed up behind her to bring her down, I stepped away and quickly videoed with my phone, watching them both laughing. Sofia surprised Cris with a hug and a kiss then tried to say Cristina. Cris had the look of a proud mom but would never admit to it. It was the sweetest thing between the two of them holding hands. Cris picked up Sofia as she snuggled right into her neck because she was now tired. We headed back to the room, I ran a bath for Sofia as Cristina set up the beds. While I took care of Sofia Cris went bought us some wine, beer and snacks for us. She also grabbed some milk and cereal oatmeal for Sofia in the morning so we could lay in for a little longer. I went and took a bath once she was back and could watch Sofia. I came out to see Sofia all snuggled up to Cristina, both deeply asleep. I pulled the covers up over them, put some pillows on the other side of Sofia incase she rolled over. I poured myself some wine , shut off the TV, opened my laptop to write in my journal, checked my emails and looked for a realtor.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Seven

I had decided to visit Meredith in her hospital room, she was the only one I could talk to without people acting weirdly, as though I was some criminal. I see the looks everyone is giving me as I pass by, I thought the looks I got as a lesbian and an amputee were bad enough, but when you cheat on one of the most compassionate and favorite doctors, you're a social pariah.

"Arizona? Are you okay?"

"Um, yeah. Look, I know we aren't really friends or anything, but I just wanted to see if you had heard from Cristina?"

Meredith gives me a long measured look, as if she is trying to decide how much to tell me.

"Not so far, but I wasn't expecting to so soon."

"You can tell me Meredith, I won't mention that we spoke. I just need to know they're okay."

"Honestly, I haven't heard. I would tell you if I had had some news. They'll be okay."

At this I slump into the chair next to her bed, "I have sent Callie dozens of messages, her phone is always off, I don't know what to do. I can't lose her, we can't be over. I need her."

Meredith just puts her hand over mine and says, "Give her some time. Maybe with time and space she'll come back to you. In the meantime, get some professional help, sort yourself out so that you are ready for her if you do get another chance."

"And if she doesn't come back?"

Meredith just gives me a half smile and a shrug, patting me on the hand.

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"Callie, this is our sixth museum, I am tired of them now."

"Fine, let's get dinner then some shopping, if we pack up the room tonight and get an early start to Cawker, we'll stay the night there and check out the largest balls of twine. After we rest up there we can head to Mount Rushmore."

"Now that is one place I have always wanted to see."

"So we have a plan, I will get the car packed with what we don't need and we can leave after breakfast."

Cristina was finally driving as I opened my ipad and started playing Candy Crush. My email popped up, I clicked on the icon, yet again it was Arizona. The subject line said Please open this Calliope, please.

I saw I also had one from the realtor with some attachments about the house we are looking for. Two out of the six really piqued my interest. I started telling Cris about them, she was excited to see the pictures once we pulled over for a break. Sofia was babbling and playing with her steering wheel. We made it to Kansas, to the biggest ball of twine there was really nothing else to do so we decided since it was a long drive to get a hotel to let Sofia play while we chill out. I told Cris I would like to leave earlier than normal to get to Mount Rushmore, since we really just want to see the carved mountain we should break there have lunch and then start driving to the Mall of America for a few days.

"Yippee," Cris said, while I was laughing, knowing she would hate it but tolerate it for me.

"Hey, you never know you might find something you like."

"Your turn to drive, we only have about another two hours before we get to Rushmore."

We gave Sofia a break from the car to run around after we filled up the gas tank, grabbed a few snacks and drinks for the journey. I saw Cris out of the corner of my eye playing on her ipad, downloading her pictures as she was setting them up.

"Don't worry Torres, I plan on putting them on an USB stick for you so you have them, I see you looking."

"Thanks."

I finally pulled into a parking space at Mount Rushmore, I was excited to go to the top to get a view of the carved presidents, I have always enjoyed history. Cris grabbed the stroller, some drinks and snacks for us to have some lunch at the top. We took a lot of pictures of us with Sofia. It was funny to see Cris in awe of something other than surgery. So far, here and the Hoover Dam are the highlights of our trip.

"Callie, you ready to go? We have been here a day and we have at least eight hours to the Mall of America. Let's go Sofia, we are going to a fun place for you cutie pie."

I watched Sofia with Cris and their interactions together. Sofia was hugging Cris then gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek just as I snapped a picture.

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I jerk awake, it takes me a moment to identify what startled me awake, it was just my phone dropping out of my hand. It barely leaves my hand these days. I need it close in case Callie answers me.

I barely sleep or eat. I don't know what to do anymore. I thought Callie would always be there. I relied on that. Even in the moments when I was so horrible to her I cannot bare to remember them. Perhaps, especially in those moments.

I have booked a therapy session for tomorrow afternoon. Meredith has convinced me that it is the only way I can get them back. Anything else is unthinkable.

We finally made it to the Mall of America. it took us ten hours due to Sofia's crankiness, Cris and I are just as tired of the car too. What a journey it has been this far, I told Cris I wanted to upgrade to a larger room with a kitchenette for the few days we are here. We need some extra comfort with enough play area for Sofia. I need to make us a home cooked meal instead of restaurants and fast food stops. I can see this trip is taking its toll on all of us. We still are so far away from New York.

I saw Cris walking back to the car telling me she got the biggest room they had with kitchenette, living room and even a Jacuzzi for me too. I smile a big bright smile and thanked her. Once we were in the room, Sofia was excited to have the TV with her beloved Dora on it while I unpacked some clothes for us. Cris ran to the store with a list I gave her for dinner and breakfast items with a few extra toys for Sofia to have. I did some research on the Mall of America and decided we should take tomorrow to just be lazy, then go there with the amusement park and shopping. I told Yang to get some booze so she could drink tonight to unwind while I show her the pictures of the houses the realtor sent me. I haven't deleted the email from Arizona but I haven't read it either. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I was feeling guilty, wishing she was here seeing what we have been seeing, I know Cris catches me feeling guilty and she always talks to me, it's nice because she doesn't tell me not to feel guilty either or to hate Arizona. I find myself sometimes wishing that she had never approached me in that bathroom, other times I wish she had never returned from Africa, I hate myself for that. I hate that I miss my wife, or should I say, soon to be ex-wife, I never, ever thought I would be here in my life. It felt good, writing down how I am feeling, it has helped me.

I heard Cris return with the groceries, I jumped up to help her with putting it all away.

It was a little after one in the afternoon, Sofia has fallen asleep on couch. She looks so peaceful, not doing the tossing and turning that she has been doing recently. We went to sit on the balcony to enjoy the sunshine when Cris resumed her account of the crash, "It was the third night in the woods, it was so cold Callie, our fire went out, it was raining, pitch black dark outside, then we heard the wolves down by Lexie. Meredith and I tried to scare them away, but we were unsuccessful and scared they would come near us. We were defenseless against them, we were all terrified. Arizona started to have hallucinations, saying she was seeing you, that you were on your way, Mark was losing consciousness Derek was already unconscious. The next morning Meredith was crying over the wolves eating Lexie, it was a horrible sound. I try so hard to never think of it. We failed Lexie, Callie. We all failed our friend. I stayed awake for the four days, I was afraid if I slept we would all die."

We were both crying as I listen to Cristina finish her story.

"When I heard the helicopter, Meredith and I were screaming, I know they couldn't hear us but they knew we were there, then they dropped a rope and a guy propelled down to us. It was a medic with some supplies, about an hour later other people showed up on foot. We got your wife done first, she was the worst off. I honestly didn't think she would survive, but she fought for you, Cal, she fought hard. Once we were all at the hospital I wouldn't talk, but I saw Bailey, I heard her with Owen, they were fighting with the doctors there over amputating Arizona's leg, who was alert enough to tell them no, she wanted you. So Owen and Bailey fought her battle for her. They had to drug us all for the trip back, especially Arizona, she completely freaked out when they told her she had to fly back. She cried because you didn't come. Once we got to our hospital, I saw your face, I just couldn't speak, I was still scared to fall asleep. When I was in my room I was so fucking angry that they allowed the interns to stand there at my room's window and talk about us, that is why I threw the vase. I think it was at the glass. Whatever happened to privacy?"

I heard Cris take a deep breath, she started sobbing and was hyperventilating, I jumped up and pulled her into my arms while she cried. Once she stopped I let go, stood up to go get her a shot of tequila and some tissues, never saying a word, just trying to silently support her.

We took the day off from doing anything, Cristina definitely drank her body weight last night. I tried to keep Sofia quiet during breakfast so she could sleep in. I made sure to leave aspirin and a glass of water next to her bed to help with the hangover. I was sitting at the dining table with Sofia while she and I ate thinking about everything I was told about the crash and everything they have been through. I couldn't even imagine the extent of the horror they went through, a chill ran up and down my spine just thinking about it. I didn't realize that my eyes were filling up with tears until Sofia said, "Mommy crying."

"Oh Sofia, I'm sorry baby girl, Mommy was having some memories, Mommy is okay."

I was finishing my coffee while Sofia was playing, my heart was broken for Arizona, for what she endured. If I only didn't fucking promise to save her leg would I still be here? She counted on me and I have done nothing but let her down. I had a plan but she crashed, I loved her too much to let her go, maybe it is me that is the selfish bitch? I didn't want to dwell on all this right now, but it has given me something to think more about. I dressed myself and Sofia to go for a walk outside for some fresh air. I found a play room in the hotel for Sofia, we stayed there until lunch. When we got back to the room I saw Cris was awake, sitting on the balcony with an empty coffee cup.

"Hey, would you like some lunch? We're about to have some."

"I would love something to eat Torres, thanks."

"How about a chicken salad?"

"Sure."

After eating Sofia was ready for her nap, I grabbed my laptop to check my emails. I heard Cris say she checked hers before we got back, she saw I had several from Arizona.

"Did you read them?" She asked.

"No."

"Are you going to?"

"I don't know, I didn't delete them yet."

"Well, she has sent me several too and I haven't opened them either, I am afraid of what I might find with the rage I know I left her in. You know Callie, now that I have finally told you everything that happened in the woods, that was the first time I ever told the whole story. I didn't realize how much I have shut out myself, so thank you for listening and never interrupting with a lot of questions. I know you might have some and I am willing to answer anything in order for both of us to heal. I do want you to tell me everything you went through when you found out our plane went missing. I have never heard anyone's version since I chose to block it all out. I know Meredith and Derek don't know this either."

"I will Cris, can it wait just a little?"

"Sure, Callie, I just want you to know, I need to know how it was handled here too, I need to understand too, so I can put this to rest myself."

"Alright, I will tell you later, I need to process, Cris, I need to find a way to put it in perspective for myself." I decide to change the subject. "I am thinking about a steak dinner tonight here in the room, then tomorrow we go to the Mall for the day, do some shopping with some rides for Sofia to play, after a full day we come back here to rest up. Then leave early in the morning for Madison, head to cheese state for a stop then head to Chicago, get a room there. There is nothing I want to do in Chicago, I really want to go to the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame in Ohio, spend a day or two there then go straight to New York. Is there is any place you want to go or stop? "

"No, not really. I am looking forward to getting to New York and start working, you know me, Torres, eager to cut. But I am enjoying this trip even though I have found it emotional and you know I hate emotional!"

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I was sat on my sofa with a glass of wine, I was trying to make it last, the last thing I wanted was to be too drunk to answer if Callie called, but I needed a little to take the edge off.

I had had my first therapy session this afternoon. The therapist wanted me to start back at the beginning, with my childhood, before getting to current events.

I have double sessions for the duration of my suspension, if the rest of the sessions are as emotionally draining as today's then I am going to have to find a better outlet than alcohol or sex to cope.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Eight

I couldn't believe how big this mall was, as we stood just inside the entrance we were in awe. I looked at Cris then Sofia as I said, "I have no idea where to start."

"Remember Torres, we only have so much room in the car."

We continued to walk through, it didn't take long for Sofia to see the rides, yelling and pointing to the carousel in the middle of the mall. Cris went to buy us some tickets, she came back with wrist bands for the day.

"Good idea on wrist bands, Cris."

"I know, this way you don't keep sending me for more."

I started laughing, "You know me too well, Yang. Anyways, let's take Sofia for a few rides then do some window shopping. "

"What are you going do with your purchases, Torres? We barely have room in the car now as it is?"

"Well, I asked the realtor if I could ship anything to her office so she could hold it for us, she agreed to."

We accompanied Sofia on about six rides then let her do a few on her own. I watch Cristina video tape her on this airplane ride going up and down. When Sofia passed by us we made sure to wave and call her as she giggled going by. It was adorable watching her. Again guilt was hitting me, when I looked at Cris she said, "We could email this video or some pictures of her to Arizona if you want?"

"Let me think about it."

Sofia was getting tired and hungry, as were we. We found a food court and decided to share a little of everything for now. Shortly after lunch Sofia had fallen asleep on my shoulder, I put her down in her stroller and reclined it so she could sleep more comfortably while we walked

around. It would take days to get through this mall. I was thinking Arizona would have a field day going through here. I pushed the thoughts out of my mind for now so we could continue having a relaxed day. Before we knew it dinner time was here, we found a restaurant to sit in so it wouldn't be so loud. I could tell Cris has had enough and I have to agree, I have too. We left the mall around eight, headed back to the hotel, while driving I told Cris I didn't need to go back there tomorrow, if she wanted to get going to Madison first thing tomorrow and stop there for lunch then get a room in Chicago, I was game. I started laughing when her face lit up, I knew I had made the right choice. Sofia has fallen asleep in the car so I just carried her in, got her ready for and into bed, I knew she was out for the night. Yang surprised me by starting me a bath after her shower. I hadn't seen her buy any bubble bath. It felt wonderful laying in there until the water got cold. When I came out, Cris had a drink already and offered me some wine.

"Cris, you look very tired."

"I am, you Torres girls exhausted me today."

"I had a great time today, Sofia had a ball, I can tell you that."

"Look at this video I took of her on the Dumbo ride while you used the bathroom."

"OMG Cristina, this is so funny look at her with the wave of her hands, you have to email that to me or send it by text. I want to send that to my dad."

After a few drinks we were so tired that we called it a night.

Since we decided to end our trip early in Minnesota we packed up and headed to Madison, the cheese state. I don't think either of us were really interested, it was more to say we have been there. I was driving the first leg, then Cristina would take over. Sofia was even crankier than usual, more I think from being cooped up in the car. Other than getting to the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame, I was anxious to get to New York. Talking with Cristina about the plane crash has helped a lot, I wish Arizona could have found it in her to talk to me. I have been finding myself thinking more and more of her every day, at the same time as I have been trying to forget her. She continues on a daily basis to send emails and texts, I haven't responded at all, because I am not sure what to do, what to say. She was my everything, how could she cheat on me? That is what it keeps coming back to. I felt a pinch on my arm, I looked over at Cris, she said, "Our exit is in a mile, so stop day dreaming."

"I wasn't day dreaming."

"Yes, you were."

"Fine, I was deep in thought, that's all."

"Care to share those thoughts?"

"No, not now. I will when we talk later. We are here Sofia, look at the cows over there. Let's have lunch here, tour the cheese factory and head to Chicago."

"Perfect timing, Torres, to get out of it."

"No, not really. I want to tell you everything too, I just don't want to talk about it in front of Sofia while she's awake. Now come on, let's do the cheese tour and tasting then get lunch."

"Oh God, Torres, I hope I never see this much cheese again."

"Yeah, but it was all yummy, the brie, cheddar, Basket Cheese. It was all delicious, it has given me some great Ideas for some dishes. I really enjoyed this. You ready to get going? You're driving this leg of the trip if you don't mind."

We were finally back in the car, Sofia has fallen asleep. I looked over at Yang when I said, "I don't want Sofia to forget Arizona. I wrote a letter to her telling her Sofia was young enough to just forget her since she really never wanted kids. One time she was at home yelling at me that Sofia's my daughter, to go take care of her and keep her quiet." I was staring out the window thinking how much I will miss her. "We had a great life until the crash Yang, we had some problems but they were getting better, especially with Mark. Arizona tried so hard with him."

We stopped in Chicago to spend the night. We had a plan to get up fairly early have breakfast and head straight to Cleveland Ohio for the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame. I was really looking forward to this since I enjoy music. We were thrilled it was about six hours from Chicago.

We arrived in Ohio and went through the now familiar motions of sourcing a hotel, checking in and unpacking. We decided to head straight for dinner in the hotel restaurant. Cristina and I were ravenous but Sofia was only playing with her food then, out of the blue, she asked for Arizona. I looked at Cristina who stopped chewing while looking back at me. Sofia again asked for Arizona, I said, "Momma is sick, Sofia, she is at home getting better."

Not quite a lie, but not the truth either. I looked over at Yang, she nodded that it was a good answer for now, but I knew I had to make a decision on Sofia and Arizona's relationship.

We stopped in the hotel lobby on our way back looking for information on the Rock 'N' Roll Hall of Fame. Sofia was very whiney by now, as was I. I was tired physically and emotionally. Cristina put Sofia on her shoulders hoping to distract her until we got to the room. Once there, I decided a bath would help Sofia, maybe put her in a better mood or make her sleepy.

Once Sofia had fallen asleep I grabbed a quick shower, followed by Cristina. I opened the wine, turned the TV down, looked over to Cristina, "Yang, I was disappointed in Arizona for taking Alex off the plane. It ruined my plans for surprising her. I was home in my sexy new lingerie waiting for Arizona to come home so we could celebrate me being pregnant, that the procedure took. I was so excited and couldn't wait to tell her, then when my phone rang, it was Owen telling me the plane never showed up in Idaho. I was in shock I think, what with all the scenarios running through my brain. I remember changing into some sweats, throwing on a hoodie, packing Sofia a bag. I grabbed her and put her in the stroller and went straight to the hospital. When I got there Bailey took me to the conference room where I found Altman hugging Owen saying good bye. He fired her to make her move on and set her up with something in DC I think. Owen, Bailey and I waited for news. I begged them to keep searching, I called my father to help. Bailey tried to keep me positive but I was losing hope. Owen was at a loss, knowing you were on the plane while trying to still run the hospital, the man was so torn up. Avery and Alex, along with Bailey's guidance, kept the interns busy. On day two is when I had the miscarriage, I just started to have stomach cramps really bad, so Bailey took me to OB, they did an ultra sound I started bleeding really bad and ended up with a D/C. I cried for the loss of my baby, as I cried

for the loss of all of you. I wanted my wife Yang! I needed my wife with me. I am sure it was from the stress of plane crash. On day four I was up and about, sitting in the chapel, praying for you guys to be found and praying for my dead baby, but I was so scared that you were all dead. Owen came in to tell me they found your plane, that there were five survivors and one deceased but they didn't know who. We all thought it was best that I didn't go, still recovering from the miscarriage. So I stayed back and kept Sofia in daycare, while also keeping an eye on Tuck for Bailey. I was so pissed at Teddy for just leaving, but I also knew she had to do what was right for her too. I have never heard from Teddy since then. She was Arizona's best friend, how could she not contact her? What kind of friend is that? Owen called me about Arizona's leg, they sent me the scans. I told them not to amputate, that I would have a plan to save her leg, they needed to pump her up on antibiotics and stabilize her leg for the trip."

I started crying again, Cris refilled my wine glass. "I was afraid to get on the plane after the miscarriage, so I blame myself that I was not there for her."

"Callie, have you ever told Arizona any of this?"

"No, she never gave me the chance. After the amputation, she became so distant, and cold, when she did speak to me she was sarcastic, and screaming at me. Owen and Bailey told me she had a meltdown, crying for me, that she was alert enough to tell them not to touch her until she saw me. I know Owen fought her battle."

"Oh, Torres, I am so sorry about the baby."

I looked over at Cristina and watch the tears roll down her face along with mine, "Oh, Cristina, I am sorry all this has happened to all of us. My Arizona has suffered, Cristina, and now I left her too."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Nine

I woke up early this morning, I rolled over to look at Callie and watched her sleep, when Callie broke down last night telling me what she has gone through handling the news of the plane crash, losing the baby, through it all she still wants her wife. Even after Robbins cheated, I can see it in her face. Her eyes, her voice when she speaks about her, they betray her longing. I can't seem to blame her either, I miss Owen deeply, the only difference is we can't seem to come to terms on children. I know I love him still even after he cheated, but I just never wanted

to be tied down with kids. I have watched Sofia grow with me these past few days. We seem to lean on each other, she makes me smile inside.

I am wondering if we really are making the right decisions in our lives. If we would only have all been honest with what was happening since the crash maybe we wouldn't be here now. I got up to go get us some coffee and breakfast to make it an easier morning for Torres.

I had just gotten back to the room when I heard the TV on, Dora the Explorer. I opened the door with Torres just laying there with tears in her eyes. "Hey, why are you crying, Torres?"

"Sofia keeps asking for her Momma, and I just miss my wife. I miss my life before all this. I feel like I am in a nightmare, Cris."

Torres started sobbing, I didn't know what to do as I watched her melt down, then Sofia went off crying and I stood and decided to just cry with them. We were having a meltdown party. "Torres, come on, pull it together, you know I don't know what to do. Here have your coffee, I will feed Sofia her breakfast. Maybe we should hang out today and try to get some emotions in check."

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We were up to the first time I met Callie, I still can't talk about that moment without smiling. She was so beautiful, even with tears in her eyes. We touched on the issue of kids, and Africa, Mark and the crash.

She asked me about our conversations over these things. I realized that we don't really talk, we get to a make or break point where one of us has to make a grand sweeping gesture to make everything okay again.

I can tell by the therapist's expression that she isn't impressed with how two seemingly highly intelligent doctors can be so emotionally obtuse.

We need to talk.

I need to talk to Callie.

And more importantly, I need to listen.

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After some coffee and breakfast we were laying around when I said to Callie, "I am going to email this Dumbo video to Meredith and I really think you should email Arizona some pictures and let her know you and Sofia are fine. It's up to you Torres, if want to tell her your plan or not. But I really know you need to talk. Shutting her out is not helping either of you and it is only hurting Sofia. Find out if she is interested in being Sofia's mom which I am sure she is."

I looked at Cris and said, "Thanks for everything. It was a good idea to just hang out today, I think Sofia needed it more than I realized. I will send an email to Arizona. I know you will think I am crazy but I feel better, I'm getting a lot of this out. It's been bottled up for so long."

"Me too, Cal."

I opened my laptop to email Arizona, I opened the one she sent asking me to please open it. There was nothing in the body of email. It just said to please just call her, she needs to speak with me.

Dear Arizona,

I am sorry that I am not ready to speak with you just yet. I wanted to at least find out if you were at all interested in being Sofia's Momma? She has started asking for you. I have told her you were sick at home. Please get help Arizona, please, for your sake and Sofia's if you are to be in her life. Cristina also told me what she did in the cafeteria with the papers.

Please get some help Arizona, set your pride aside because that is what is causing you so much turmoil. Maybe a professional will be able to understand why you cannot accept any responsibility to anything that has happened.

I now feel I have a better understanding of your trauma that you have been through. I honestly cannot even imagine the pain of trying to stabilize your leg. Cristina also told how she kept it clean. We have discussed every single detail of the crash from her perspective. I am aware of the promise you made Mark as well.

I am not ready to go into more detail at this time, but wanted to at least send you some pictures of Sofia. I wanted to let you know that I now know everything that has happened with the crash.

Callie

I looked over at Cris and told her I emailed Arizona a note with the pictures. She told me she sent Meredith the video of the Dumbo ride and the slide with her. I feel better sending the email out to Arizona, I just hope she perceives it as a good thing. I don't know how I will feel if she still rejects Sofia. I already know she doesn't want me. And again I started to cry for myself, for being all alone again.

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The phone in my hand buzzed, I checked it immediately out of habit, but was expecting more of the same junk mail. As soon as I saw Callie's name I could feel my heart beat faster and my palms start to sweat. It was the name I had been hoping to see, but at the same time partially dreaded in case she was going to tell me to stop contacting her.

I slowly read her email, my heart breaking for my beautiful Sofia.

I hurriedly open the attachments to view the pictures when I realize that Callie did not mention the divorce. I re-read the email to make sure.

Maybe it's a sign. Maybe she might change her mind.

Maybe I have a chance.

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We hung out all day at the hotel to just chill, I took Sofia to hotel pool to play, do something with a different scene, something new to do. She has never been swimming before so I thought it would be fun. Cris sat there videotaping us with her phone. Sofia was splashing, kicking water

and giggling, it was enough just to watch her laugh. After an hour of playing around Sofia was getting tired. We ordered some lunch and brought it back to the room. We were eating when Sofia started nodding off. Once Sofia was sleeping I grabbed a shower. I took my laptop out to check my email while Cristina was reading one of her journal. I noticed one from Meredith which I thought was odd, but I opened it.

Hi Callie, I hope you are ok, I know you were not expecting an email from me. I wanted to tell how sorry I am for everything you have been through. I wish you didn't feel the need to leave, but I understand. Arizona has been coming to talk to me. She has been seeking help. I received the video from Cristina I needed a good laugh, it was so cute. I showed it to Arizona, she cried so hard, Callie, she is heartbroken you left. She realizes what the crash has done. She is trying to come to terms with the fact she broke her vows to you. She showed me the pictures you sent her too. They mean everything to her right now. Since Cristina is taking care of you, I am going to help Arizona if she continues to allow me to. I wanted to thank you for doing that. Since having Zola, and now Bailey, I feel like a different person, so grown up as Derek tells me. I have to get going I have some crying kids, Callie please take care of my person too. I miss Cristina.

Take Care,

Meredith

I sat there surprised after reading this from Meredith. I was glad Arizona was getting some help. At least I know she read my email and got the pictures. I guess I was hoping for a response not that I deserve one since I have ignored hers. I decided to just write in my journal instead of sifting through the emails that could wait. I was tired and anxious to get to New York. I was looking forward to seeing the Hall of Fame. I have a lot of reservations for us about New York I am not convinced now that I have done the right thing. I have accused Arizona of running and look at me, I have become the runner. I had so many thoughts running through my brain, it was just exhausting. I decided to put everything away and speak with Yang.

"Cristina, what do you want for dinner tonight?"

"Umm, lets order some pizza tonight, I will go get some beer and wine, we can get nuggets for Sofia."

"I want to leave after breakfast to go tour the Hall of Fame. I figured we could leave the following day and drive straight to New York. What do you think?"

"Okay, we have a plan, Torres. Oh by the way, Meredith loved the video and I know she emailed you too. This is a good thing Callie."


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Ten

After a lazy day around the hotel room in the afternoon I put together a bag for our day trip to the Hall of Fame. I think I was more into it than Cristina. I was looking forward to the history of music of the bands, I know they have some films to watch, costumes and other memorabilia from the bands. Cristina has been a real champ going there for me. I think we are both looking forward to end of the trip. I was tired so I told Cristina I needed an early night tonight. I gave Sofia a bath, got her comfortable on the bed, turned on the TV to entertain her for a while. I came out of the bathroom and Cristina and Sofia were sound asleep on my bed, instead of moving Yang, I climbed into her bed hoping sleep would come quick.

I laid there trying not to think, I even pulled out my nighttime mask hoping the darkness would lull me to sleep. I heard my phone ringing I knew the ring tone, it was my dad letting me know that he heard from Arizona. She apologized to him for letting him down and not being the good man in the storm. As I listened to my dad tell me about the conversation they had, I was very surprised. He said he never told her where I was, but said he would get a message to me. I laid there thinking after hanging up from my dad, he said he would support whatever decision I made. I knew I could not just turn around and go back either. I was so torn. You think I would have learnt a lesson from making hasting decisions, I was so hurt I didn't think of all the consequences.

I woke up hearing Sofia crying for me, I threw back the covers to get up and grab Sofia to put her next me in bed before Cristina woke up.

"Shh Sofia, it's okay, come on lay down with Mommy for awhile." Sofia put her head on my chest and played with my necklace as she settled down. I heard Cris ask if she was okay.

"Yeah, she's fine, probably having a bad dream that's all."

"I am going to get up shortly, get us breakfast so we can get out of here at a decent hour Cal."

"Alright, I am rolling over for an hour if Sofia lets me."

Well we made it through the Hall of Fame with wonderful memories. I even think Cristina really enjoyed the history of American music. We are about to check into the hotel in New York, and once we do I know I need to tell Yang how I am feeling. We arrived at our room, I arranged to get one with a kitchenette, figuring we might be here for a little while. Sofia was so excited to be out of the car as well. I stayed with Sofia while Cris and a bell hop unloaded the car. We emptied most of it to the room to have access to everything. I knew once that was done I would just go get some groceries for a week, the hotel supplied the dishes with some pots and pans.

I put Sofia down for a nap asked Cris to watch her while I ran to the store for us. This gave me a chance to think how I wanted to tell Cris how I was feeling. I felt my phone beep in my pocket, I pulled it out and saw it was an email from Arizona. I sat in the car looking at it for awhile then decided to read it.

Dear Callie

I want to start by saying thank you for the pictures of Sofia. I cannot express in words how much they mean to me. Meredith let me watch the video of her on the Dumbo ride. She looks so happy.

I am Sofia's Momma.

I will always be her Momma. I don't want that to change.

I need you to know how deeply sorry I am. For hurting you, for betraying you. I never intended to hurt you. I have no explanations for what I did. I am having trouble rationalizing it to myself. I am working through my issues in therapy, I want to be better. I am making progress, it is so hard though. I know I should have done this a long time ago, for all our sakes. I wasn't ready before. But I am now

I understand that you probably do not wish to speak to me, but if you could call me, just let me know how you are both doing, where you are, I would appreciate it.

Arizona

I sat there reading the email from Arizona. I closed my phone laid my head back to gather my thoughts before going in for groceries.

I finished shopping putting the bags in the car when Cris called asking for beer and wine too. I laughed and said sure I will bring booze too. Told her I should be there shortly. I decided to bring back Chinese food for dinner. I pulled up to valet parking to make things a little easier with all the bags. Another bell hop came over to help me out with getting the bags to our room. Cris was ready to open the door to give us a hand. I tipped the bell hop before he left while Cris put away the refrigerator items. I heard Sofia calling for me.

"Sofia, big girl, why are you crying sweetie?"

"Momma," Sofia sniffled, "Momma."

"Oh Sofia, Momma is home getting better honey, come on, snuggle Mommy. I have your favorite tonight Sofia, some chicken nuggets with some juice and apples."

I had Sofia settled down eating at the time trying to restore some normalcy to her. We were eating dinner, not really talking, when I blurted it out that I only wanted to sign a contract for six months to Cristina.

"Callie, are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just I don't really think I am making the right the decision, Cris."

"I know Torres, I agree with you, maybe we jumped the gun but let's give it a try, we will ask for a six month contract, look for either an apartment or house to rent for six months. If it works out we buy a house, if it doesn't we return to Seattle."

"I got emails from Arizona and Meredith saying she is getting some help. Arizona said she still wants to be in Sofia's life as well. She didn't mention the divorce papers. She has asked me to call her."

"Are you going to call her Cal."

"I will after we get settled some with the hospital and a place to live. I want to get Sofia set up with daycare and in a routine."

"While you were out shopping I called the hospital to set up a time to go meet the chief, I told them we would like the same day so we could switch off watching Sofia. I thought we could get a feel for our surroundings, see what they have to offer for a place to live. Maybe you should email the realtor, let her in on what we are thinking for a six month lease too. She might have some contacts for us."

"Alright Cris, thanks for understanding and yes I will email the realtor after I clean up the kitchen. I feel better knowing we are not committed for longer."

Cristina poured us some wine while I did the dishes, Sofia was playing with her toys when I said, "Have you ever thought about you and Owen adopting a child rather than you giving birth, or are you just so set not to have any children?"

"I just never wanted kids Callie, I just wanted to focus on my career, to be a world famous cardiologist. I want to perform miracles. Now, when I see Meredith with two kids, you have Sofia, I see things a little different too. I know Owen would make a wonderful father, I just don't know if I am capable to be a mom Torres, that is what stops me. Going to parent conference meetings, soccer games or any sport. I didn't want to leave the hospital to go pick up a sick kid. I have been watching all of you do it and honestly, you all do it so well, but what if I fail? Or find it a burden?"

"Do you find Sofia a burden through this trip, and be honest Yang, or do you feel that Zola or Bailey was?"

"Honestly? Not with Sofia, but Meredith had a hard time shuffling between work and the kids."

"Arizona and I did too you know, and you know she never wanted children either but she was willing to change because she loved me. Then Africa happened and it wasn't the way we wanted to start our family, but we made it work because we loved each other. I will not tell you it is easy because it is not by any means, but when you have that bad day they make it better is all I will say."

"I know Torres, it gives me a lot to think about, I am not sure what Owen wants anymore."

"Send him an email, find out where things stand. This break will be good for all of us I believe."


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Eleven

It's been a month since we have been in New York, the hospital doesn't even compare to Seattle. I still haven't called Arizona but I have kept sending some pictures of our trip to her with only Sofia in it. Arizona continues to email regularly, just basic enquiries into our day and how we are, she has not mentioned the divorce papers, they are only short emails, more touching base than anything else. But still, I have not responded to some of her questions as I am trying to come to terms with everything. I have heard from Meredith, she let me know that Arizona has kept her word, she is still in therapy and started back to work part time after her suspension. I had been surprised to hear about the suspension, my heart broke for her a little when I heard about this, I knew it would have been painful for her to be away from her tiny humans. Meredith relayed that Derek has even come around to sit and talk with her, they were becoming friends as Arizona learned to open up and to be honest. She is still refusing to talk to Alex unless it is work related. It was nice emailing with Meredith, I never knew she really cared about anyone apart from Cristina, I guess being a mom has helped her come around. I have been keeping my promise of keeping an eye on Cristina too. Cris doesn't seem very happy here at all. The only one who seems happy would be Sofia. We cannot continue like this. I was off today and I know Cris will be home soon, I think we need to talk, reassess where we are. I will make some tacos for dinner, maybe after Sofia's bath we can talk over some wine and do some catching up with each other.

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It has been a few weeks since Cris and I have spoken about being here. Neither of us are happy with the hospital. The doctors do not seem to be too friendly or the interns either for that matter. I haven't really made any friends nor has Cris. We are committed for another four months under our contract.

I was sitting in my office thinking about Arizona as she continued to email me. I know I need to make a decision about what I want to do. Infidelity is a hard one to come back from, the trust issue is the worst, of not knowing whether she would actually be working late or where she is, always wondering, second guessing if she is telling me the truth. Will I envision Arizona with her when we make love? It turns my stomach just thinking about it. I am going to call Arizona to see if I hear anything in her voice that tells me I shouldn't even consider another chance. God damn it! I hate that I still love her the way I do.

When I arrived home with Sofia I decided I would call Arizona before Cris returned.

After dinner and Sofia's bath I decided to make the call, actually hitting the buttons was another story. I sat there tossing my phone back and forth, knowing I just needed to step up to the plate. I dialed the number, my leg bounced up and down when it started to ring, then I heard, "Hello Callie."

As soon as I heard Arizona's voice I hung up the phone, my phone immediately starting ringing, I hit the ignore button as proceeded to shut my phone off. I just couldn't go through with it yet, I

wasn't as ready as I thought I might be. I put Sofia to bed, went to grab the bottle of wine and plopped down on the couch as tears rolled down my face and that was how Cristina found me.

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I have been sitting in front of my computer for what feels like hours now, trying to find a way to tell Callie that I am making progress, that I understand so much of my behavior. Today's session was brutal, I feel beaten and exposed, but this feeling came alongside revelations of deeply hidden motivations. Every time I discuss moments in my relationship with Callie I find myself internally cringing at my own behavior. Looking back, I am amazed that Callie took me back after the way I left her in the airport. I know we both have our faults, we have both failed in major ways, but I have never loved someone the way I love her. I am so deeply ashamed of what I have put her through. Her aborted phone call earlier gave me a hope that I hadn't lost my family for good.

It is from this dark place that I craft my latest email.

Dear Callie

I do not deserve a third chance from you. I have hurt and betrayed you too often to insult you by demanding one, by asking for your forgiveness.

That does not mean I don't want them.

If I thought for even half a second that you could forgive me, that we could move forward together, I would be down on my knees begging for that chance instantly.

I will be here anytime either of you need anything, the two of you are my girls, you will always be my girls.

I need you to know that I am sorry, so truly sorry for the way I have behaved since the crash, the ways I have pushed you away, belittled you, undermined any suggestions you have had. There are not words to describe to you how deeply ashamed I am of having broken my vows. It is hard for me to even look at myself in the mirror.

If you need to move on, if you cannot even entertain the idea of a future with me in it, then I will sign the papers.

But if there is even the smallest chance for us, the tiniest possibility that we can salvage what I have so systematically destroyed, then I humbly beg you to wait before filing the papers.

I need you to know that whatever I have done, I have never stopped loving you, even for a second.

Your Arizona

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The following morning I was awoken by smacks in the face from Sofia, wondering how she got into my bed I opened an eye to peek and saw Cristina standing in the doorway smiling. Sofia started yelling for me when she saw I was awake.

"Come on, Torres, coffee is on and I put some water and aspirin on your bedside table to take. Sofia and I are hungry, we're waiting for some breakfast."

"Alright Sofia, Mommy is getting up to feed us, Yang, come take Sofia for a minute so I can wash up."

"Here, take your coffee so you can get cooking, I am starving, Cal."

I took the aspirins with some water before I headed for the shower. I stood there letting the hot water run over my tired body thinking about what it is that I really want. After getting dressed for the day I headed out to make some breakfast.

I fed Sofia while Cris and I ate in silence, I was hoping she didn't bring up last night, but I was hoping in vain.

"So, Torres, are you going to tell me what all of last night was about?"

"Umm, I don't know really, I was at work thinking about Arizona, I know I need to make a decision on what I want. I hate it here that's for sure. Arizona said she wants to be Sofia's Momma, that she is getting help and is in a better place now. I thought I would call her, but when I heard her voice I just hung up. I'm afraid that I cannot or will never trust her, Cris. She never said she wanted me back or that she loves me, but she also has never mentioned the divorce papers either."

"Cal, it won't be easy but if you are going to try you have to give one hundred percent. You need to let her tell you her side, even when it hurts, perhaps especially when it hurts. Process it so you can move on with or without her. But don't give either of you false hope, that is the only advice I have for you. Your heart will tell you what to do."

While Cris played with Sofia I pulled my laptop out to check my email. I saw one from Arizona and read it. I looked at the date and time she sent it, it was right after I tried to call her. I need to do this, Cris is right, I need to make a decision about Arizona. We cannot have our lives in limbo. Sofia keeps asking for her Momma, I make sure she looks at pictures of Arizona while talking about her Momma, so Sofia doesn't forget.

I sat there tossing my phone back and forth, knowing I just needed to step up to the plate.

"Torres, make the call, see what she has to say then make a decision." I dialed the number, my leg bounced up and down when it started to ring, then I heard, "Callie, Callie are you there."

"Um, yeah, Arizona, it's me."

"I am so glad you called, are you alright? Is Sofia okay?"

"Slow down, Arizona, we're fine, Sofia is good, adjusting to daycare here. She just had her breakfast and is playing with Cristina." I didn't know how to start so I became quiet.

"Callie, are you there?"

"Yeah, I am here."

"Where are you? No one will tell me anything."

"We are in New York at Presbyterian Hospital."

"Wow, I guess you needed to get as far away as possible, huh?"

"At the time, yes."

"Can I talk with Sofia do you think?"

"Sure in a minute, I want to ask you something first, if that is okay?"

"Anything, Callie."

"Arizona are you still in therapy?"

"Yes."

"Are you still seeing her? Or anyone else since we left?"

"Oh God, no Callie, I have no interest in that." I let go of the deep breath I had been holding, I know Arizona heard, she paused before continuing, "I am so sorry for hurting you, I have never once stopped loving you through all this."

I knew what I wanted to really ask but didn't have nerve to yet.

"Alright, I will put you on speaker phone to Sofia now."

"You're on speaker now Arizona and Cris is here also."

"Hi Sofia, its Momma."

"Momma, Momma," Sofia was yelling looking all over for her.

"Sofia, look at the phone and listen to Momma."

When Arizona finished I heard her crying and took her off speaker phone, "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I miss her Callie, and I miss you, I need to see her and hold her, please?" Arizona begged.

"Listen, I need to go, I will be in touch soon, maybe we could Skype? This way you could see her."

"Of course, whatever you want I will do, Callie, thank you so much for calling, you made my day."

We hung up on a good note but I still never received some of the answers that I am looking for. I decided it would be easier if I emailed Arizona, then when, and if, she responds positively, a phone call will be next. I waited a few days before putting my thoughts into an email for Arizona.

"So Torres, how did it go with Robbins?"

"As well as it could I guess. She is still getting help with everything, she seems to be in a better place, she became emotional once I took her off speaker phone. She is missing Sofia terribly it seems, but I didn't get all my questions answered either."

"Email her Cal, keep the lines open."

Dear Arizona,

I was glad to hear you're still in therapy and getting the help that you need. I have read your email from a few nights ago. I am so hurt with you that you chose to break your vows. I can forgive you for most of your behavior since the crash, because I believe after talking with Yang, and yes we discussed it all, that I could have a much better understanding of what you went through. I am not saying that I agree with the way it was done but I understand.

I am angry at myself for not seeing more of the signs or maybe I just couldn't bring myself to acknowledge them, so I know I am at fault as well. I want to give you one more chance, I really, really do, because I have never stopped loving you either. You left me over the kid issue, then left for Africa and now you've broken your vows. I don't know if I can ever trust you again.

I want to, God knows I want to, but I am scared to death to let you back in. I told you that when you came back from Africa. This time, most of my heart is shattered and I am not so sure it can be fully repaired, I am angry that you are the one responsible for it.

I don't have all the answers, but I would like to work through our marriage problems with you and see if we can still be a family. It will take a lot of hard work from both of us to make this work. We must communicate, be open to each other over everything, even if it hurts us. Let's set up a phone call in a couple of days to talk and we can make a decision from there about what we both want. No matter what happens, you are Sofia's momma.

Callie


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Twelve

I had been sitting with Meredith for several minutes in silence, I didn't know where to begin, and she didn't seem to know whether to prompt me or not. We had gotten closer over the past few months, she has been a great sounding board for me, she understands what I have been through but won't let me get away with hiding or lying to myself. Her support has been invaluable, coupled with my therapy I feel

like I am getting my footing back. I am coming to terms with never being the Arizona Robbins I once was, but I am certain that I can become an Arizona Robbins worth being proud of.

"She emailed me."

"Callie did?"

"Yeah."

"That's good, right? Isn't it?"

Hesitating, "I think so. I really hurt her. She said her heart is shattered." My voice caught on the last word but I managed to get it out.

"Is that all she said?"

I recounted the contents of the email to Meredith, it took me several minutes as I broke down in tears at a couple of points. I hate crying in front of people, but Meredith has seen me at my worst, I know I can just be honest with her.

"What should I do? I want her back so much. But all I do is hurt her. Time after time I break her down. Perhaps it would be fairer, better for her, if I just let her go. She could find someone better, someone who will take better care of her than I have done."

I look at Meredith, hoping to see an answer in her eyes, a direction I should go in, but all I see is empathy and support.

"I can't tell you what you should do, if you want her, if you still love her, if you can promise her your future and that you have learned from your mistakes, then fight, fight for her. She deserves that much. Out of everybody I know, Callie is the one who deserves to have someone fight against all the odds to be with her."

I nod, taking her words in. "You're right."

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A week went by before I heard from Arizona after I sent my email, I heard my phone beep indicating an incoming email, it was from Arizona. I wasn't sure what to do as I sat there in the living room with a glass of wine. Sofia was in bed asleep, Cristina was working. I was scared and excited at the same time as I opened it and started to read it.

Callie,

I cannot even express the feeling I had when you called me last week. I am sorry it has taken me this long to respond to you. I needed to make sure in my mind and heart what I want to do. After talking with the therapist, and Meredith and Derek for some extra guidance, I would really like to make a go of our marriage too. I know there will be a lot of work for us to do, but I am more than willing to do whatever it will take.

With their help, I am coming to terms with everything that has happened with the crash and learning to accept myself as an amputee now. I am scared that you can't fully accept me as an amputee. I am trying to work through this with help. But I need your help too. There is no excuse for me to offer you for anything pertaining to my behavior or breaking my vows. I am deeply ashamed for the way I have treated you, Calliope, and with the way I have treated my daughter.

I know you said that you know everything that has happened and that is good, I am glad you finally know everything. However, I would like to tell you from my perspective another time, in person, how I felt through all that. Then, maybe, we can heal and mourn together, all of our losses, I know I didn't give you a chance to mourn Mark, and in truth, I haven't either. Maybe then, we will be able to move forward to the next step in our lives.

Please call me after you have read this.

Your Arizona

I waited until the following day to call Arizona, I needed a little extra time to make sure that if I do want this that I can fully forgive her, I know I already told her I would try, I have been second guessing myself. I was supposed to be at lunch instead of standing through another surgery. Cristina was in on this surgery today as well, since they used the paddles on him twice. We found out he was on his way to work when he was t-boned by a drunk driver, when the impact occurred it propelled the car sideways then forwards, which is when another car hit him head on, causing the dash board to sit in the man's lap. His femur was snapped in half when it shattered, he had severe chest injuries, he had coded once on the table when Yang brought him back. I looked up at Cris when I said to her, "Dr Yang, his left leg needs to be amputated, there is no saving it."

Cris nodded back then said, "Are you okay, Dr Torres?"

"Yes, I just want to finish this and go home."

"Wait for me Torres, I get off then too, I will order us some dinner tonight."

We finished the surgery and I waited around for the patient to come around to talk to him, I needed to let him know what happened and that I would be back in the morning to go over things again. After changing and getting Sofia from daycare we met Cristina in lobby to head home.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Thirteen

It had already been a long shift when I was called to treat a young Latino girl that came in from a rape and beating, she had several broken bones, multiple lacerations and contusions, she was hysterical whenever a male went near her to treat her. The female police officer who came in with her demanded that female doctors and nurses were the ones to treat her.

I approached her tentatively, letting her see that I was not a threat, I introduced myself, telling her exactly what I would be looking for, every time I was about to touch her I explained what I was doing, and the purpose of the touch. Eventually she relaxed and told me her name, we carried on mostly in silence, except for my commentary of the exam punctuating it every so often.

Afterwards, she wouldn't let me leave her side at first.

That was three months ago, today when I saw her in the lobby crying I walked over to her to see if I could help. She spoke rapidly in Spanish to me, I learned she was pregnant from the rape and that she didn't want the baby and was not sure what she was going to do, she was on the verge of hysteria. After calming her down, I gave her my phone number then sent her to OB clinic. Usually in cases of rape, the hospitals in New York provide emergency contraception to prevent pregnancy, but not everyone bothers to take the pills.

"Torres, what was all that about?"

I explained the circumstances on our way home, and how I felt the need to try and protect her as much as my job would allow.

Cris just nodded, she knew I couldn't always separate my desire to help people from the distance required of a doctor, I was getting better at it, but occasionally, the odd person just pulled at my heart strings.

When we got home I set up dinner for all of us, when Cristina asked me what was going on with me, she said I seemed very distracted, more than just from dealing with a vulnerable patient. Taking a deep breath, I looked at her when I said that I wanted to go back to Seattle, take some time off and work on my marriage. "I was going to call Arizona today at lunch to let her know, we cannot fix it unless we are together in the same place. I love her Cris, with everything I am, even after everything that has happened, I just.. love her. I admit I am scared to death, but I know in my heart that if I don't go back and try I will regret this decision for the rest of my life." I broke down while Yang continued to stare at me, I was starting to worry about her reaction. I knew she was unsure as to what to do as well. I know I didn't want to leave her alone, but I have to make my decisions based on what is best for me and Sofia. Finally, I looked again at Cris, she responded, "When are you leaving?"

"I still have to call Arizona and figure some things out, but I already know that this is what I want."

"Well then, call her after Sofia's bath so she can talk to her, then I will put Sofia to bed for you tonight."

"Thanks Cristina, for everything. You have been such a great friend."

"Callie, you're welcome, but you don't have to thank me. You know that both of you are extremely important to me."

"Yes, but what about you? What are you going to do?"

"I don't know, but I have been talking with Owen, he wants me back without terms so we'll see . I know they still have not filled our positions as of yet. So how about you call Robbins, once you're done if everything is good, I will email Owen about our jobs."

"How will you feel about not being on the board?"

"I couldn't give a rat's ass to be honest, that was just another burden, another thing to deal with, all the politics was not why I joined medicine, this way I will just focus on operating on hearts and on my relationship with Owen, so I am good. What about you, since you were the one to get everyone on board to buy the hospital?"

"Honestly? I am good with not being on it."

I waited until Cristina was reading to Sofia to call, hoping Arizona was working, so I didn't wake her up. My leg starts bouncing again while my nerves are slowly getting the better of me.

"Hey Callie, how are you? How is Sofia?"

"We're good, how are you?"

"Much better, now that you've called."

"I read your email Arizona, that is why I am calling. I wanted to call whilst on my lunch but ended up doing a very long surgery and just couldn't fit it in. I wanted you to be able to talk with Sofia but things just started to run very late so Yang is reading to her now, I didn't want either one of you to be upset because I need to talk with you."

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"Okay, Callie, I am listening to you." Arizona had a feeling that this was the point where she would be asked to just sign the papers and make the split permanent.

"I want us to try Arizona, I sat and thought about this a lot recently, there are more than a few problems that we need to work on, or at least, I view them as problems. But we need to address them together."

"Well, let's discuss them, what's on your mind then, one at a time?"

"First and foremost, I want you to know that I can forgive you. I want us to work I really do, but if I come back to Seattle, I cannot live in that apartment anymore."

Arizona was immediately filled with tears of relief when Calliope said she forgave her and wants to try to repair what she had broken. "I don't understand Cal, you want it to work but not live with me here?"

"No, no, I mean, yes I want to live with you, but not in the apartment. I was wondering what you thought of buying a house for a complete fresh start, new memories, new everything for us?"

I just starting sobbing over the phone when it registered what Callie was referring to. "Yes, Calliope, I would love to buy a house too. I think a fresh start is in order for both of us, but where will you and Sofia stay when you come back? Do you think you can stay here while we look for a house? Then we can sit down and really talk to each other."

"First things first, I don't think I can really stay at the apartment, Arizona, there is so much baggage lingering there, I would rather get a room at the Archfield for Sofia and me. I know you're not happy with that, but please understand how I am feeling too, please, Arizona. I just don't think I can do that."

"Okay, Calliope, whatever you feel you need to do I will support you, I told you before, whatever you need I will do. When do you think you will come back?"

"I am obligated to be here for another two months, then I would fly home after we have tied up any loose ends here. Then we can begin again with one another, without skipping steps this time. I was thinking, if we have lots of phone calls and some Skype chats, they would help us as well. I think Cristina will come back too."

"Ah Yang, right. Of course."

"Arizona, I know what she said and did, I am not saying it was justified, but you need to know she has not said one bad word about you. Honestly, she has defended some of it. Not the cheating or how you treated me and Sofia, but she defended you, she explained what you went through and not once has she told me not to try. Just the opposite in fact, she thinks we should try, that what we had is a once in a life time thing."

"Oh, I wouldn't have expected that after the way she behaved towards me before she left."

"Arizona, she was hurting for me and Sofia, and herself, she has been through so much, I am sorry though, if she hurt you."

"It's not your fault, this is my own doing, I know this Callie. I have no one else to blame, I should have asked for help, I should have, well, there are lots of things I should have done and didn't, and so many things I did do that I regret. But I need to draw a line under them, I need to be able to reconcile them within myself and then leave them behind in order to focus on the future and getting better."

I heard Sofia yelling at Cristina, shortly after she comes running out to me, crying for her Momma. I know Arizona hears her as well, "How about it Arizona? You up for talking with your daughter and calming her down for us."

"Put her on."

"You're on speaker, Arizona."

"Sofia, baby girl why all the crying?"

"Momma, Momma."

"What big girl? Momma loves you, now sit on Mommy's lap so she can hug you for me and let her give you a kiss okay?"

"Otway, Momma."

"Calliope, did you follow the directions?" We all started laughing.

"Yes, smarty pants." Just a little louder than Sofia's sniffles I heard Arizona say, "Cris?"

"Robbins, I am glad things are getting better for you, and I need to say that I am sorry for how I handled things before we left, I was so angry but we will talk another time and settle it all then, if that is okay?"

"Cristina, I know you are sorry and I forgive you, we'll talk another time."

"Calliope, how is Sofia now?"

"Sleeping on my chest for now. How about we Skype tomorrow so you can see each other."

"Sounds like a plan, if I don't get home in time I will send you a text, good night, Calliope."


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Fourteen

We are now just one month away from returning to Seattle, I have arranged the hotel room for Sofia and I, Cristina took care of the jobs by talking with Owen. I have not told Arizona about work as of yet, we asked Owen to not say a word either. I have decided to email Owen myself to see if he would fly out here and drive back with Cristina. Sofia and I will fly back.

I had finished another successful surgery and was scrubbing out, I heard my phone start ringing so hurried my clean up. All cleaned up I headed to the attending lounge opening my phone as I went, it was another message from Arizona. I sat there smiling when I saw that she sent a photo of herself smiling plus a message.

Calliope, I wanted you to know how happy I was you called. I look forward to Skype with you later tonight when you get home, I can't wait to see you and Sofia. :) A.

As I walked into daycare I saw Sofia sitting by herself with a pout on her face, looking like she had just finished crying. I walked over to her to pick her up she immediately curled into my neck and hugged me, starting to cry again when the daycare worker walked over to me.

"Dr Torres, hi, Sofia had a hard day today, she's been crying on and off for most of the afternoon, I have tried to find out why without any luck. She is not running a fever or in any pain that I can ascertain."

"Sofia, why you crying sweetie? Tell Mommy."

"I want Momma."

"Alright Sof, lets grab your things so we can go home and call Momma, okay?"

"Oktay Mommy."

"Thanks for today Carol, I will see you guys later."

"Good night Dr Torres."

After Sofia and I got home she played for a little while, I started dinner for us. A short time later Sofia was pulling at my leg asking for Momma.

"Alright Sofia, let me see if we can get Momma on the computer for you." I quickly called Arizona to see if she was available to Skype with us.

"Hey Callie, I wasn't expecting you to call so soon."

"I know, I hope I am not catching you at a bad time but our daughter has had a hard day today and would love to be able to see you and talk, can you get on Skype now before we eat dinner."

"Sure I will, let me get to my office, give me a minute and I will be on."

I hung up from Arizona to pull up Skype waiting for Arizona to accept the call.

"Hey, how are my girls?" I heard Arizona's bubbly voice come through the speakers, Sofia yelled Momma while she started to cry.

"Sofia, baby girl, please stop crying so Momma can hear you sweetheart. Cal why is she crying so hard, is she sick?"

"Nope she wants you and that's it."

"Sof, Momma loves you, why don't you show me some of your toys. So Calliope, how long has she been like this?"

"Carol at daycare said almost all afternoon she has been fussy."

While watching Sofia play with her toys, I wanted to let Arizona in on my plan, "So, I have some additional information for you Arizona."

"Oh? What's that?"

"Well, Cristina has been talking with Owen, and we can get our jobs back if we want them. I would fly home with Sofia ahead of Cristina, then Owen will fly here to help her, they will drive back with my car and belongings."

"Calliope, I know we said we were going to buy a house together and meanwhile you and Sofia stay at the hotel, but I would like to run an idea I have by you. I found a few homes that I have been keeping an eye on for when you get back so we can go to look at them. So, umm, what I was thinking was, we could offer to sell the apartment to Cristina if she was interested. I know we have a lot to still work out but we

are getting there, or at least I feel like we are getting there. I feel like over the past month we have covered a lot of ground and I really, really want us to be in the same place Calliope. I don't want you guys in the hotel for a long time, I don't want to come visit you, I want to live with you. I need to."

"Are you done yet, Arizona?"

"Are you going to take your job back? I know we haven't really discussed that part yet, will you feel weird not being on the board?"

"Honey, are you going to let me talk at all?"

Arizona let out an embarrassed laugh, "I guess I am rambling again huh?"

"Umm, I don't know yet whether to take back the job, I expect people to stare, but what else is new with that? I have been giving some thought to a private practice and getting hospital privileges. This way I am not stuck at the hospital or putting up with the shit. For the board? No, I don't want to be on it or have anything to do with it now."

"Calliope, is that because of me and what I said to you?"

"Yes, but I am okay with it. I have enough to take care of without worrying about the politics too, because I am married to a board member that's enough, don't you think? Look at Sofia looking at you like she's thinking about saying something to you."

Cris walked in just as the timer went off for dinner. "I've always had perfect timing," she said. She stopped by the computer and smiled when she saw Arizona on the screen watching Sofia. I watched her walk over to sit in front and she started talking to Arizona.

"Hey, Robbins how are you?"

"I am doing great, how are you doing?"

"I am okay I guess."

"You ready to come back to Seattle?"

"I guess, I just hope I don't feel too weird about it. "

"You will be fine, I know Meredith is very excited to have you come home, where you ladies belong. She has become a great friend to me, like you and Callie have for each other, so thank you Cristina for everything, for taking care of my girls when I didn't"

"You're welcome, but I have to go eat, I am starving."

"Calliope, feed Sofia and do her bath time, I will be back in about an hour, I have an idea."

"Sofia, Momma has to go to work, I will be back when you've finished your bath, now be a good girl for Mommy and Godmother Cristina. Momma has a surprise for you, now go eat and I will be back, I love you baby girl. Callie I will see you in about an hour."

"Alright I will just leave this on."

I finished with Sofia's bath and changed into comfy clothes, as we were headed back to the living room I heard Arizona say, "You're back, I have been waiting for you Sofia."

"What is Sofia's surprise, Momma?"

"I am going to read Sofia Goodnight Moon tonight for her bedtime story. So when you're ready to put her to bed take the laptop in there and I will read her bedtime story."

"Arizona, are you sure? I know you are at work and you're very busy."

"Calliope, yes I am sure and I can tell you I am never or never will be ever again too busy for my family. I have made arrangements to have my time covered so don't worry, let me do the worrying for now. It's about time I took my share of the work load here, okay?"

I suddenly felt so emotional listening to Arizona stepping up to the plate. God do I miss her, I just want to be held by her, I want, no I need, to feel safe. I curled up to Sofia in bed when Arizona started reading, I looked at Sofia as her eye lids got heavy, I closed my eyes and just listened to her voice until the end of the story, Sofia was slightly snoring, Arizona must have thought I had fallen asleep because I heard her saying, "Oh Calliope, I miss you my love, I am so sorry I have hurt you, that I screwed everything up, but I promise you that you will never be sorry for giving me this third chance. I cannot wait for you to come home, I need to hold you, I want to fall asleep in those safe arms, I need you Calliope, I want you. Good night to my favorite girls, sleep tight."

I continued to lay next to Sofia, drawing comfort from her proximity, trying to cry as silently as possible so I did not wake her.

"She loves you Torres, there is, and never will be, any doubt about that. Maybe you can go back earlier than we planned, NYP has already hired another ortho person to cover you, maybe they will release you without a penalty."

I gently climbed out of bed so I didn't disturb Sofia, this was one of the first nights since our arrival that it was this easy for her to fall asleep. "I don't know, Cris, you really think they would let me go early on the contract?"

"It doesn't hurt to ask Cal, leave two weeks early, that will give you time to pack all your stuff up, I can pack too, get most of it in the car, Owen can fly out a few days ahead of time then he and I can close down the apartment. I just have to find a place to live."

"I might be able to help you there, too. Arizona wants to know if you're interested in buying our apartment."

"Really, why what are you guys doing?"

"I told her Sofia and I would stay at the Archfield first, because I just don't think the apartment feels like home anymore. I asked her to buy a house so we could start over, make new memories and get away from everything negative. Arizona was more than happy, she already told me that she's found a few homes that haven't sold yet, so we could do this together."

"I will let her know about the apartment when she calls tomorrow, so things with the two you are going well?"

"They have been going very well, I don't think we have had to talk about so much since we first met. We have discussed everything, including her infidelity. She let me know about her therapy and asked if I would join her for a few sessions and I agreed to. We both have shed a lot of tears over all this, but I still need to see if it will work. How do I know if I feel like my skin will crawl when she touches me? So yeah I am scared. What if I don't get butterflies in my stomach when I see her?"

"Look Callie, I think staying at the Archfield is a very good idea and to give yourself time to get re-acquainted, I know you guys have been talking daily and I think that is really helping. I will buy the apartment once I know you two are okay, and I know when you're buying a house, how does that sound?"

"Good, look I am tired, I will talk to you tomorrow morning," I headed to bed feeling just a little lighter than I have in awhile.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter 15

It is two weeks until Calliope and Sofia will be coming back. I am starting to feel a little anxious for their arrival. I have been talking to Meredith about this and also with the therapist. They both asked me if I have spoken to Callie about it. When I responded with, "No I am afraid of how she will respond." Meredith had said, "It's this that gets you into trouble by not telling her how you feel."

I sat there in my office mulling over this conversation, and they are both right. I need to address this now so Calliope knows how I feel. I decided to call her, with each ring I felt myself getting more and more nervous, I had almost decided to hang up when she answered with, "Arizona, what's up?"

"Do you have a minute to talk with me?"

"Sure, go ahead I am listening."

"Calliope I know you're coming back in two weeks and well I am getting nervous as well as anxious, I am very excited to see you both, but I am scared too." I rushed the words, scared that if I didn't get them out now then I never would.

"Hey, slow down I am feeling the same way, but we have one problem that we need to address then."

"What's that Calliope?"

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I am hoping this will not be too awkward when I opened Arizona's door to her office and put Sofia down, she went running to Arizona yelling, "Momma," Arizona sat there so shocked she couldn't move, while I stood there smiling at the scene. Arizona started crying immediately while I had tears rolling down my cheeks. I closed and locked her office door. She had gotten up with Sofia in her arms, holding her tightly as she took steps towards me, I started walking to her too. We stood there in front of each other, just staring, not sure what we should do, I decided to be brave and opened my arms, she immediately walked into them as I pulled her as close as I could to me, We held each other with Sofia between us for long moments.

"We're back, that is the problem, so there is no time for nerves."

We both started laughing and crying at the same time. "I already checked into the Archfield but we have a tired little girl. What time do you get off?"

"I will get off now, let me call the chief and get someone to cover for me, there is no way you two are leaving my sight."

There was a knock on the door, I looked over to Arizona who nodded for me to answer it, I opened it to find Meredith, "Hi," I said to her as she stood there too, looking me over with the surprise on her face. I stepped out of the way for her to see Arizona who was still smiling while she cuddled with Sofia, it was a beautiful sight. I pulled out my phone to snap a shot. Meredith walked over to Arizona with a huge smile on her face.

"Well, Dr Robbins I think this is the first time in a long time that you let those dimples show."

All three of us were smiling at that comment, Meredith turned her attention to Sofia and said, "Look at you Sofia, you've gotten so big since I last saw you." Sofia looked at Meredith but snuggled deeper into Arizona and said, "My Momma."

"Yes she is, Sofia, that's your Momma. Callie, I am so glad you're back, you look really well. How is Cristina?"

"She is good; she will be back here in a couple of weeks."

"You're back early though, right?"

"Yeah," I smiled when Arizona looked at me waiting to hear my answer, "Well, I was nervous and excited to come back, and I thought I would take extra time off to re-adjust and work on our marriage together. I told Arizona I would go to therapy with her. I wanted to go house shopping as soon as possible so we can get settled in more."

"Right, Arizona said she had her eye on a couple of places, she wouldn't tell me anything about them; she said you had to be the first to see them." I was looking at Arizona out of the corner of my eye seeing she had a huge smile on her face as Meredith was talking to me. Directing her next comment to Arizona, she asked, "Have you called Owen and told him you need some time off?"

"Yes, I did."

"I will talk to Alex for you if you want," Arizona nodded yes, she hadn't been able to talk to the man, never mind having to look at him. She was still so angry with him, even though she had come to understand that he lied to cover himself, and let Callie take the blame for all of it. She had done everything she could not to have to be in the same OR as him.

I watched Arizona just look at Meredith when I said that it would be great if she could do that. "Maybe we can all have a lunch or dinner so the kids can get reacquainted too?" I offered. "You would have to host until we find a place to call our own."

"That sounds wonderful, so why don't you ladies get out of here and Arizona I will help cover your time."

Owen came in with Alex in tow just as we were getting ready to depart, authorizing a month's absence for Arizona, and assuring us they would only call her for consults in an absolute emergency. Alex said he would take care of anything else we needed then left with looking like a wounded puppy; I could see the rift was taking a toll on him.

Then Owen asked to talk to me privately. We stepped out of the office, and into an on call room, he hesitated for a moment before asking how Cristina was really doing. I decided to be honest with him, "We have both come a long way. We worked through whole crash together, we discussed a lot Owen, even you and her. I hope it all works out for you guys, she really loves you."

Leaving him to digest my comments I went back to get my girls, when I got there Arizona was playing patty cake with Sofia. Listening to Sofia giggle make my heart tickle, and to listen to Arizona laugh felt like I was finally home again. "So how about we head over to the hotel, we could order some dinner in and let Sofia just play for awhile and we can catch up some more?"

Everyone seemed to be staring at the couple as soon as they exited Arizona's office, they raised their heads high with Sofia still in her Momma's arms, her head laying on her shoulder. They watched while Callie walked close to the Peds doctor with her hand on her lower back, both women full of smiles. Once they reached the lobby they saw Derek and Meredith talking with some interns, Derek approached them to welcome Callie back, "If you need anything let me know."

We arrived back at the hotel with Sofia babbling away to Arizona, they just kept talking with each other while I sat there and watched. A part of me felt a little guilty for the time they had spent apart, but I still felt it was necessary for all of us.

"Callie?"

"Sorry, what?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I was just thinking how much Sofia has grown, and how much she missed you."

"I can tell, but thanks to you she didn't forget me, I know you kept showing her my picture and telling

her who I am. I'm sorry Calliope, for everything."

"Listen, you know we have moved past that, come on, this is good. I am thrilled for you and Sofia we have discussed this remember? We agreed we would address each other's concerns then move on. Tonight is a happy night tonight. Now I am starving so what are we ordering for dinner?"

"How about Thai from the place down the street and we could order room service for Sofia?"

"Alright, you mind calling them in while I unpack some clothes for us? I am dying to throw on sweats right now."

"Sure I've got this."

I came out of the bathroom to find her just finishing her call, "Everything should be here in twenty minutes."

Sofia was pointing to the TV, I asked her, "Do you want Dora on?" Sofia nodded her head yes, "What do you say Sofia?"

"Please, Mommy."

"Good girl."

"Well look at you big girl, having wonderful manners, Momma is proud, Callie her speech is really good, you have done a super awesome job."

"It wasn't just me, the daycare in New York was really good with her and Cristina, believe it or not, has actually helped too." I watched Arizona struggle with holding back her tears as she mumbled, "I shouldn't have missed this, how I could have been so stupid and selfish?"

"Arizona, please don't do that. You have been through so much, please don't sit here and put yourself down. Yes, Sofia missed you and you missed her,"

"Correction Calliope, I missed both of you."

"Okay, but we're here now, so go in the bathroom and clean up so Sofia doesn't notice you were upset and dinner will be here shortly. We will eat as a family tonight." I got up to drag the booster chair I requested but was interrupted by the knock at the door, when I opened it I laughed to see the delivery guy with the Thai and room service at the same time. Ari walked out of the bathroom with a smile on her face. I knew it was real when she looked at me. "Why don't you grab our daughter from the TV and I will warn you, good luck doing it without a fight."

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I rolled my eyes at Callie when she said Sofia would give me a fight, I walked over to tell Sofia dinner was here and the TV was going off. I stood there shocked when she started yelling, "No, Momma, TV now," she demanded. I looked over at Callie who had a smile on her face as she watched while Sofia continued to throw a fit. I raised my voice, "SOFIA ROBBIN SLOANE TORRES you will stop right now with the screaming and come over to have dinner." I watched her run to Callie repeating the word mommy, when she reached her, Callie got down on her level and she proceeded to inform Sofia she was to march right back over to me and tell me sorry for not listening.

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Sofia slowly walked to Arizona, I thought it would be a little harder for her to kneel down, but she did while her soft voice came out with, "Sof," Arizona talked to her and while Sofia listened to her she stopped crying. Ari pulled her into a hug then we all sat down for dinner.

We were sitting there eating while I was thinking, 'This feels so natural, watching Sofia and Arizona,' when Arizona looked up with a grin she said "What are you thinking over there?"

I smiled when I said, "Just how natural it is to watch you two, and thrilled it's not as awkward as I thought it might be. I was worried we would be uncomfortable." I watched Arizona take in what I said, "I think that is why I called over my anxiety and the nerves were kicking in, then you walked in."

Arizona looked relaxed, some of the worry lines that were there earlier were fading, I wondered how she was going to feel about leaving here tonight. "Do you want to give Sofia her bath tonight?" "Yes, I would love to. I have already missed so much."

While Sofia was in the tub I pulled out my laptop to check my emails. I decided to pull up some listings for houses before Arizona shows me hers to see how close we are. I know we talked before the crash about what we wanted in a house, I just don't know if we still have the same views.

"Hey, we're done, here is our little girl, Mommy."

"Mmmm, you smell good Sofia," I tickled her until she laughed.

"What are you doing, Calliope?'

"I was looking up some houses to see if anything I might have bookmarked matches what you have for us to look at."

"Can I look?"

"Sure."

Arizona smiled and said, "We've picked three of the same houses."

"Really, well then, I will email them now to set a viewing up as soon as possible. I have not been giving Sofia TV at night so if you want to read to her you can, or if not and you're tired and want to go that's fine too."

"Cal, umm..." Arizona hesitated, looking away from me.

"Just say it, Arizona."

"I don't want to leave here tonight, I know you just got back, I know okay, but I just can't let you two out of my sight, please don't make me go, please."

"Come here, sit down." I patted a spot next to me with Sofia on my lap, I shifted myself so I was looking at her, "Arizona, please don't cry, we are not going anywhere without you. I told you I am all in, through thick and thin, hard times along with the great times I know we will have. No more running for either of us. If you want to spend the night, that is fine. What about your crutches?"

"I have a set in my car, I will run down and get them now."

"I have some sweats or boy shorts if you like, and a large shirt. I didn't think you would be ready for any of this, so I wasn't sure what to expect to be honest and I know surprising you, well, let's say I know you don't like them."

"I loved today's surprise, seeing you and Sofia, I am so happy you're back for good."


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter Sixteen

Waking up in Calliope's arms again was the most perfect feeling in the world. I had missed everything about her, the weight of her arm over my waist, the way her hand will either always cup one of my breasts or find it's way under my shorts when she is sleeping always made me smile. The scent of her hair, the length of her pressed behind me, the slow rhythm of her breathing as she sleeps. I had come so close to destroying everything that makes my life perfect by going to Africa, those painful months apart where I felt like a piece of me had been ripped from me, I would have gladly given up a limb to be back beside her. Returning to her, being blessed with a second chance was everything I wanted, to have come so close to destroying my world a second time filled me with a cold seeping feeling, to be given a third chance meant everything, there was no way I was going to risk this heaven again.

I clutched her hand to my body, just glad to be in her strong competent hands again, I hope that she won't feel awkward when she wakes up, but it is a chance I am willing to take, I have waited too long to be where I am. I am hopeful that she is not reminded of the last person whose hands were on me, and just lets this happen.

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Eventually we found the perfect house for us, a two story four bedroom house, with a large living room and built in fireplace. The master bedroom had everything we both wanted, a large walk in shower, double sinks and a Jacuzzi. I think this is what sold Arizona, the large back yard with a built in heated pool, but it was the kitchen and all its updated appliances that sold me, everything else was a bonus. We were standing in the back yard looking around when I said, "I think this is the house." I watched the biggest smile appear, with those dimples that I love as she leaned in with a passionate kiss, "Let's make an offer."

Arizona looked at me as I made a cash offer to the realtor, knowing exactly what that look meant without even needing to see it I smiled back, "There is no need for us to have a mortgage payment

honey. I just want it bought and paid for with our money, not my money or your money, our money. I want everything new, all the furniture everything."

I put the offer to the realtor and we left to go get some lunch while we had to wait to see if the deal was accepted. Arizona received a text from Meredith inviting us for dinner. We were sitting at the park with Sofia, killing time before our next therapy session. I was becoming very frustrated with the sessions, listening to Arizona recount some of her story of the plane her version and what Cristina told me the versions don't match up. I know she feels threatened which is making her defensive, I see it in her face, as though she Is worried it will change how I feel about her. I looked over at Arizona and could see stress instead of happiness. I decided to try and ease her worries over the next session.

"Arizona, look at me."

"No."

"I need you to look at me when I tell you this, we need to talk before we go into therapy. You're holding back and I want to know why? I know what happened out there, please we need to do this together now, you said you would. We need to move forward we just put an offer on the house of our dreams. I need you to be honest Arizona, please, Sofia and I need you."

I watched Arizona make a face as she turned to me.

"I dread having to do this, to talk about the memories, the dreams, the nightmares. I cant stand it. I am so angry with myself for pulling Alex off the plane, so pissed off, because then I wouldn't be here in this position now, I want it to be over Callie, I need it to be over."

Arizona's eyes fill with tears and convey so many emotions as the tears roll down her cheeks, I scooted closer to her to pull her into a hug, she resisted at first then slowly relaxed as she leaned into me while she cried.

"Arizona, there is nothing you can do or say that will make us run. I love you with everything that I am and more."

She started to cry harder while she tried to tell me about her promises to Mark. "I know about your promises to Mark, Arizona, and I think you both made them to each other thinking you would not make it out of there, no one could hold you to them. I will not hold you to them. I want you to take care of me and Sofia because you want to be with us, because you love us, not because you made a promise to Mark."

"But I broke the promise to Mark Calliope!"

"No honey, not really you didn't, you did your best while you were recovering yourself. Could you have been nicer? Hell yeah, but my god Arizona you survived, you fought because you love us. I broke a promise to you too. I made you become an amputee because I was selfish too, I couldn't bear to live without you so any consequences be damned! I couldn't lose you, Sofia didn't need to lose another parent. So I broke my promise too. I forgive you honey, please forgive yourself now please. I am ready to move forward with every part of our life."

"I forgive you too Calliope, I really do, I am so sorry it took me so long to come to terms with everything, I was so stupid, so stubborn."

"No more putting yourself down either, it's unhealthy."

Arizona looked up as Sofia put a handful of dirt in her mouth. "No. Sofia you do not put dirt in your mouth." I sat there laughing when Sofia offered Arizona some dirt to eat.

"Since we just had a therapy session here do we really need to go to the hospital?" I asked Arizona.

"Yes, we need to go, I don't want to quit now I have almost graduated from therapy and after today's progress with us I feel like I lost some weight you know?"

"Yeah I know what you mean. We need to get Sofia and head over to therapy before we are late, I want to talk you about Alex Arizona, don't look at me like that. I know you're very angry and hurt with him, I get it really I do, but I am just us much at fault for not telling you. That man loves you like his sister, he looks up to you for everything. If he could give you his leg he would, as I would, but you need to forgive him too."

"Look, lets discuss this in therapy today alright?"

We put Sofia in daycare then walked to therapy holding hands. I asked the therapist to let us address Alex after we told her what happened in the park.

"It's not that he did the amputation, I mean it was, but not anymore, it's because he lied to me Calliope, he lied and let my wife take the blame when he knew we were struggling. I know how you looked, you were beaten down. I did that to you, I held you accountable for all of it. When it was me, I broke us, I made the decision to take him off the plane. He should have manned up and told me the truth! He continued to lie to me for months, then fucking Lauren Boswell finished it off! I did that too, I broke us further. I did something so horrible, I broke my vows, something I promised you I would never do. All the while Alex still continued to cover his own ass. Yeah he tried to cover for me the night of the storm, but at what cost Callie?" Arizona was not really yelling at me, it was her frustration talking.

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"Did you know he told me not to tell you when he figured out that I fucked Boswell, just before you walked onto the peds floor?" The look on your face right now tells me no. At that moment I was so angry that I forgot it was my wife I was yelling at while the therapist listened, I realized right after that what I said and how hurt and upset you are when you gasp to cover your mouth.

"Calliope please, look at me please." She shook her head no, "Calliope, I know that did not come out very nicely, I know we have somewhat spoken about it too, but she never meant anything to me, I used her, I used her to hurt you because I was hurting so bad she said all the right things at the time but my mind wasn't focusing. That does not excuse any part of my behavior I am so ashamed to be known as a cheater, I have lost the respect of my wife, our friends and other doctors here because of my behavior. I made promises to you in our vows, promises to Mark, and I broke them all and for some reason I thought it was okay for me to break them, but not for you to break your promise. I continued to hold you to yours, but chose to ignore the ones I made. How could you still want me Calliope?" I broke

down, releasing all of my pent up anger for both of us and still the therapist took notes while we sat apart trying to come to terms with everything I said.

I reached for Callie's hand but she pulled it away, then proceeded to get up, walking to the door.

"I need to get out of here right now, I have to go process. I will go get Sofia we will talk to you later."

"Calliope, you said you wouldn't run, please don't leave, please Calliope, I know you're upset, I know you need to process but please don't leave yet. I promise, I know you think it's not worth much, I will give you time to process, I need you to finish this, please Calliope."

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I let go of the door knob, turned around and walked back to the window, standing there waiting for Arizona to speak. She asked me to turn around to look at her. I was just having a hard time at the moment. I knew in my heart I wasn't going anywhere, I knew there was inevitably going to be this moment of severe hurt and pain, well it was finally here. "Yes, you briefly addressed some of the issues, but the details are what hurts. Arizona right now we need to finish this so once and for all this is done and we can put it behind us."

I turned around to my very distraught wife, "Arizona, I know we covered a lot of it but not these details. It hurts my heart when you say that you fucked Boswell, I know you're not proud of it, but I have to sit and hear that you gave her what was mine it was supposed to be mine and mine only! How am I supposed to feel that you gave yourself away freely, she didn't tie you down and force you. You did it purposely to hurt me, only to find out it wasn't all my fault. How do you want me to feel? What do you want me to say? That I am not scared to make love to my wife? Because I am. How do I know you're not laying there thinking she is better than I am in bed? How the fuck am I supposed to feel? I fought for you Arizona, I fought for you to live just like you fought for me and Sofia. The day you were leaving for Idaho and you took Alex off the plane you didn't even consider me, that night the plane crashed I was home in my sexy lingerie waiting for you. I had big plans but you ruined them by leaving, I had found out I was pregnant. I planned this big dinner, arranged everything to tell you it took but instead I got a phone call from Owen saying your plane never arrived. I packed a bag, grabbed Sofia and ran to the hospital. I was never so scared in my life, on day two I sat in the chapel praying for all of you. That night I started cramping and on the second day it got worse, so Bailey did an ultra sound, I was losing the baby. I guess from the stress, Bailey set it up for me to have an D/C, the following day they found your plane and told us there were five survivors with one deceased. No one knew who passed away. I was recovering so it was decided it was best if Owen and Bailey flew to Idaho. I cried for what seemed like hours when I found out you were alive. Owen called me, told me about your leg and that you were begging for me, you have to know Arizona, Owen fought for you, they sent me your scans. I reviewed them and came up with a plan. They were told to clean the wound, pump you with antibiotics until you got back. I didn't come because I lost our baby not because I didn't love you. I was mourning our baby. When you came back I did everything I could for you, you have to believe me." I ran out of words and broke down, she finally knows now. "This wasn't supposed to happen Arizona, you weren't supposed to be on the plane, God damn it. I shouldn't have lost our baby, you wouldn't let me mourn Mark when he passed away or the baby."

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I walked over to Calliope to look her in the eye as we both cried, now that I have heard her side I cried over hearing about our baby, I told her how sorry I am for my selfish behavior. Then I felt her arms pull me into a hug, she whispered in my ear that she loved me, that we need to heal now that it's all out, she needs to move on with me.

"We will get through your nightmares, we will deal with everything together Arizona, there is no more brushing anything under the carpet, we make decisions together from now on."

The therapist startled us by saying, "How do you feel with it all out in the open now? I am proud of you ladies, the way you both listened even when it became painful for both of you. Your time is up and Arizona, I think I want to see you in a month, how does that sound for now? We can decide then if you graduate from here."

We scheduled my appointment, then went to go get Sofia from daycare. Meredith walked up to us and invited us over, so the kids could play.

We agreed, I was a little surprised when Callie asked for a few minutes to visit the chapel first.

"I played with Zola, Mommy."

"You did? Well guess what? We are going to go over there for dinner too."

"Yay," Sofia clapped her hands in approval.

"Calliope, why are we in the chapel?"

"I needed you to come here with me, so I can say a pray for our baby, Mark and Lexie. I want to light candles for them."

"That is sweet, Calliope. Let's light the candles together, sweetheart."

After a few more tears Sofia told us not to cry as she rubbed our wet cheeks.


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - Dotted lines indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter 17

Sofia was excited to go to Zola's house and play with her and Bailey, all the way to Meredith's house, all we heard was, "Are we there yet?" Thanks to Yang for teaching her that. I pulled into the liquor store parking lot to pick up some wine to take with us, it's a well known fact that you don't turn up to Grey's house without alcohol. Arizona and I haven't really said too much to one another since we left the therapist's office. I asked if there was anything she needed whilst I was getting the wine. She mumbled no thank you, I bought a couple of bottles for Meredith and one of Arizona's very favorite expensive white wines, and a couple bottles of red for me. When I got back to the car Arizona was texting but I didn't ask who, if she wanted me to know she will tell me I thought. I started driving to Shepherd's house while humming to the radio looking out the corner of my eye at my wife who was so deep in thought. I knew I needed to wait until she came to me before Arizona would tell me what is on her mind. I have a feeling I know what is happening, she is now processing the loss of the baby, I can see it is finally happening for her. Arizona wouldn't get out of the car so I took Sofia into Meredith and I asked if she could watch her for just a few minutes. I quickly told Meredith what had happened.

I got back to the car in time to see my wife crying. Opening her door I bent down to look at her, she undid her seat belt then turned to get out so I backed up, as she should stood up and threw her arms around me hugging me so tight I rubbed her back.

"Arizona, sweetheart, it's going to be ok, we will be ok, we're stronger now honey." She cried harder for our loss and pulled back to apologize when I stopped her. "No more sorry, I know you're sorry for everything, I know you are. We need to move forward now, you know that is what everyone would want for us. We will never forget our baby or Mark and Lexie, they will be forever in our hearts.

I watched Arizona as she tries to pull herself together before we go in. Derek pulled up and asked if we were ok I nodded, yes then told him we would be right in. "Come on honey, we need to get inside, this is supposed to be a happy time for us."

I handed her a tissue, she fixed her hair, wiped her eyes and grabbed my hand, she looked at me and said, "I love you Calliope."

"I love you too."

Once we were inside we heard the kids laughing and running after each other, Derek yelled, "Slow down, no running in the house." The girls stopped running while giggling past us with Bailey on their tails trying to keep up. "Hey, thanks for having us here I wasn't sure what was for dinner so I picked a bottle of each."

"Thanks," Meredith said, "Would you ladies like a glass now?"

"Oh, yes please," Arizona said enthusiastically, I just started laughing.

"What about you Callie, would you like a glass?"

"Sure, red please."

I could see Arizona was very comfortable here, but I wasn't and I think they all noticed. It was like they were all great friends and I was odd man out. I know Arizona told them everything and with their common thread of being in the plane accident my outsider status was magnified. I felt like they were staring at me so I decided to just play with the kids and just listen to them. Arizona started telling them

about the house, which really is not too far from here. That's when Derek started asking some questions directed at me.

"I'm sorry Derek, I really didn't hear what you said."

"When will you be coming back to work?"

"I don't know that I am, I am considering opening a private practice and I will file for hospital privileges or I will apply to Seattle Presbyterian Hospital for surgery privileges. I am not sure I really want to be in a hospital that I once sat unwelcomed on the board of or that I didn't deserve to be on. And I am not sure that I want to work with you guys being my boss now to be quite honest." I saw Arizona's face drop. I didn't say it to hurt her, it is just how I feel and I had decided when I came back that I was not going to shield her from how I feel. "Everyone has been through a lot, mainly you guys not me, so it really doesn't matter does it? Cristina is coming back soon and I am sure she will have no problem readjusting, you all have the common thread that I don't." They sat there quietly, I don't think they expected my response, it was an uncomfortable few moments so I was glad when my phone started ringing. I excused myself and stepped outside to take the call.

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I stood looking at the doorway that Callie had just walked through. I should have known that we weren't going to be able to just pick up the pieces easily. Meredith placed a hand on my arm. "Arizona?"

"There's a part of her missing. I don't know if she is holding back deliberately or if it is something in her that I destroyed, but she's not my Calliope anymore, she has changed. I need her Mer, what am I going to do?"

"Go out there and talk to her. Listen to her. Be there for her and with her. She needs you."

I nod and make my way outside.

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"Hello, Daddy what's up?"

"Mija, I was just calling to see how things are going for you now, it's been two weeks since you went back. How are things with Arizona?"

"They are alright dad, we had a very difficult therapy session today, but it is all out in the open now. I told her everything. Oh, we made an offer on a beautiful home, we are waiting to hear from the realtor. I offered them a cash sale so we have to wait and see, if they take too long I will withdraw the offer and keep looking. We are at the Shepherd's for dinner, but its kind of uncomfortable at the moment."

"Why Mija? Did they say something to you?"

"They asked if I was going back to work and I was honest with them, I told them that I wasn't sure, that I am thinking about opening my own practice."

"Do you think you will be happier doing that instead of being on staff at the hospital Mija?"

"I don't know Dad, it's hard. I was on the board there now I'm not. I don't want them to be my bosses Dad, it doesn't feel right, I didn't think this would be a problem but once we came over to the Shepherd's I felt completely out of place. It's like I just don't belong here anymore."

"Oh Mija, it sounds like you need to sort out your feelings, sweetheart. Have you discussed any of this with Arizona?"

"Just a little, but I didn't know I would feel like this, not until I sat there just a few minutes ago feeling completely out of place. Listen, I need to get back in there, I will call you and let you know about the house as soon as I can, bye Daddy, love you."

I hung up from the call, turned around and saw my wife standing by the door, watching me. "How long have you been standing there listening?"

"Long enough to hear you say you're not comfortable here anymore. When were you planning on telling me all this? Why did we even put a bid on a house then Calliope? Have you been lying to me the whole time? Stringing me along?"

"No, Arizona. I swear I haven't. I didn't know I would feel so uncomfortable being here, they are now your friends, not mine. I really thought I was ok about returning to the hospital, but apparently I'm not. Let's just have dinner then we can go back to the hotel. Please, I really don't want to talk about this here."

We walked back in as Derek was finishing setting the table, I offered to get the kids cleaned up for dinner. Arizona helped Meredith, I knew she would ask her questions about my outburst.

We were chatting and eating, not really talking about anything personal when Derek mentioned he was off tomorrow and asked if Sofia could spend the night. I felt like this was a planned thing by the three of them, so I didn't feel like I could say no.

After we had finished eating Derek was the one to broach the elephant in the room, "I'm sorry you don't feel comfortable right now Callie, you are always welcome. Both in our home and at the hospital. You may not have been on the plane but you certainly went through a hell of a lot as well. I wish you didn't see it the way you see it. Yes, we may have that in common but don't ever underestimate what you have been through too. I know what you lost. Remember, I was with you when we let Mark go. I know of your other loss as well. I am so sorry, and I am sorry you think this divides us, but you're our friend too, no matter what has happened, that hasn't changed. I'm sorry you think it has. Please consider coming back to the hospital. I can assure you that you have been sorely missed by the whole hospital, you are well respected among your peers, Cal. I would like nothing more than to have you back and I promise you everything will be fine. I will guarantee you your lab for your research too."

"I will think about it Derek and thank you for the kind words." Arizona put her hand on my thigh and gave it a squeeze.

"Look, I am really tired. It has been a very emotional day, I just want to get back to the hotel and relax, I..I haven't been sleeping too well. "

"So let us take care of Sofia tonight and we can meet at lunch, what do you say Callie?"

I looked at Arizona, "She doesn't have any of her stuff here."

Meredith said, "She can use Zola's stuff, they are about the same size."

"Sofia, come here to Mommy, do you want to sleep over here with Zola tonight, sweetie?"

"Yes, Mommy," she started clapping her hands.

"Alrighty then, give me some hugs and kisses, me and momma are going to go back to the hotel and you call and say good night."

I grabbed the extra wine bottle and took it with me to our extra large tub.

I closed the door behind me, stripped off my clothes, while the bath ran I added some bubbles, poured my wine, climbed in, laid back and closed my eyes. I am so tired after today, between the house and the therapy session. I never thought I would feel so uncomfortable at Derek's home. God, what am I going to do about working I whined, I just want to shut my mind off. I never heard the bathroom door open until my wife stood there in all her glory. I watched her remove her leg as she sat on the side of the tub, she turned around sliding between my legs with her back to my front. She hasn't said a word, she took my wine drained it then leant her head back on my chest while she rubbed my thighs.

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"Calliope, please listen to me, I know you're upset about today, it's been an extremely tough day. I need you to talk to me Cal, you said you wouldn't hold back, remember? Why am I just hearing more on how you feel from over hearing a conversation with your dad? I didn't mean to listen when I came out to get you." I turned around and sat up, "Calliope, I told you I want this, you said you were all in."

"Are you going to let me answer anything? Yes, today was hard, very hard, harder than I thought it was going to be, to be quite honest. I didn't, and kind of don't, feel comfortable over at the Shepherd's, things are different Arizona. I don't know what to do about work, I honestly don't. I didn't think this was going to be a problem. Cristina and I talked about this, I really I didn't think it would be, but it is. I do want you, I really do but I am scared to death Arizona, what were we thinking trying to buy a house?"

"Oh, Calliope come here honey, why are you afraid to touch me? Please Calliope, I need you to touch me, I need you to make love to me, I need to feel clean again and only you can do that for me, please Calliope, we need to make this step in our healing."

After hours of making love to one another I laid in Calliope's arms I started to sob, I finally felt like I was home, in the place I never should have left. All the repressed emotions erupted over everything we have been through, Callie tried to soothe me while I laid there and hugged her tightly, not letting her go.

I woke to the sun shining through the blinds and cold sheets, I heard the door open when Cal walked in with coffee and donuts. I finally saw my Calliope with her mega watt smile looking at ease for the first time since she has been back. "Good morning."

"Good morning sleepy head, did you sleep well?"

"I haven't slept this well in a long time Calliope, thank you for the coffee," I said as I pulled the sheet up to cover my breasts so I could lean against the head board. "Why were you up so early?"

"I got a phone call this morning which woke me up."

"Oh, Sofia is ok right?"

"Yes, Sofia is fine."

"What time is it anyways, and why did I wake up to cold sheets?"

"Around ten thirty, we really slept in some last night, they accepted our offer on the house, so if you get your lazy butt showered and dressed we can go sign the papers then get Sofia. What do you think? Maybe we could go do some shopping for the house or pick up boxes and pack all your books up and pack whatever else you want. We can leave the dishes and the furniture, let it all go with the apartment, just get all your personal stuff. Maybe we could get some help or hire someone."

I set my coffee down looking at my wife with a grin as I let the sheet fall off me to climb onto her lap, I started to kiss her neck letting my hands roam. I heard her moan as I squeezed her breasts. I started to remove her clothes and whispered in her ear what I was going to do.

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It was early afternoon by the time we stopped to pick up Sofia, Arizona told Meredith and Derek that we just signed the papers for the house.

I heard Meredith whisper to Arizona, "You have an extra glow about you today, someone finally get lucky last night?"

"Yeah, this morning too," Arizona said, she started laughing knowing her wife heard her, Meredith

replied, "Way to go."


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine and they belong to Shonda Rhimes and producers of Grey's Anatomy

A/N - xxxxxxx indicates character perspective change

A/N -Co written with Providence26

Chapter 18

Six weeks later Cristina finally came back. We were all moved into the house, we'd had the apartment professionally cleaned ready for Cristina to move right into. I even stocked up on Tequila for a house warming. I filled her refrigerator with some things I know she likes. I was thrilled she was back, I really missed her. She seems to understand me the best.

Arizona and I have been getting better and better as time goes by. We sat and talked about the pros and cons of me going back to work at the hospital. I know she really wants me back with her at Grey Sloane. Sofia and I have been meeting Arizona for some lunches or brought her dinner. I know I need to do something because it has been too long, I feel the need to break some bones.

I called Cristina to see if she could meet me at the park for some lunch, that I wanted to talk some things over with her. I knew this might upset my wife but I knew Cris would be totally honest with me without holding anything back. If anyone could help me make a decision, it would be her. She has already been back to work at the hospital. Getting her opinion was important to me, to see how comfortable she felt being back at work with the Shepherds, Arizona, Webber and Avery being her boss.

Sofia and I arrived at the park early, we played on the swings while we waited for Cris to show up. I heard Sofia yelling for Cris to run. I was laughing at Sofia's antics with Cris. She really has missed her since we came back. It was nice to see them together again. Yang may not want to be a parent but you can see she loves Sofia.

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"So Torres, why did you call me out to the park, I know it wasn't to play with Sofia?"

"I don't know what to do Cris, I just don't. Do you remember when we talked about the hospital, working their under them?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I am struggling with it and I don't know why. I already told you what happened at Meredith and Derek's, feeling so uncomfortable. I know they have done nothing to make me feel this way, I just do."

"Torres, I think you don't know how to feel to be honest. You are the one pulling away, not them. They didn't suddenly become just Robbins' friend. Yeah, they have the crash in common and Meredith helped your wife a lot, but I can assure you they love you just as much, maybe more. They were so angry with her over all of it, but they have dealt will all of that. I think you should come back for six months to see how you feel and if it still isn't right for you, then look into a private practice. We can make sure that even if six months is too long that you have the right to leave anytime."

I watched Callie sitting there in turmoil over what to do. She didn't know it but I had requested that our friends meet us here, so it brought everything out into the open without Callie feeling ganged up on.

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I looked up to see Derek walking with Meredith pushing the kids. Arizona was with them, I mumbled to Yang, "You set me up."

"Indeed I did, but just listen to them."

Derek started Talking first, "Callie, we know you want to come back but that you're scared you think we have some bond that doesn't include you. You couldn't be further from the truth. It is you that brought us together, you don't even realize what you have done for us. One thing is for sure, when Cristina came over to hospital to say good bye she was right, if it wasn't for you we wouldn't be where we are now. I

know we haven't been there for you or knew you were in so much pain either. We all suffered a lot of loss, some more than others, but we all lost.

I stood, just looking at them as tears rolled down my face. Arizona came over and put her arm around me, laying her head on my shoulder, "Please come completely home to us Calliope, please."

Everyone was trying to hold their tears at bay. Meredith stepped in and said, "We're family Callie, we will always be family. If you feel things aren't working then I promise you now, in front of everyone, I will help you get a private practice." Meredith stuck out her hand to shake on it.

I almost took her hand, then backed up and looked at Derek, "Can I have my lab back for my research? I am almost there, I figured it all out for the cartilage." They all yelled deal. "Welcome back Dr Torres."

I walked over to everyone to give them a hug and said I would return the following week. They all left except for Arizona who sat on the swing next to Sofia just watching me, "What are you thinking?"

"Well, I want to be upset with you for going to Yang instead of me, but I cant find it in me to do that. I know why you went to her, because she won't sugar coat anything and that's what you needed today."

"I really wanted to Arizona, I just felt you wouldn't be able to tell me the truth for fear of hurting me. I didn't want to put you in that position, so I made Yang be the bad guy here."

"Are you at peace with the decision to come back to work?"

"Yes, I am glad I finally made the decision. Are you done for the rest of the day?"

"I am, what would you like to do?"

"How about we go to the mall, do some window shopping? We haven't been out in awhile just the three of us."

"I would love to honey, but only if you buy me some food because I am starving."

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We're mending, I can feel it. Everyday we are getting stronger. We're not the same as we were before, but we are both different people now. But what hasn't changed is that we want to be together, to grow together. So many people think of change as bad, but it has made us stronger. We were broken, as individuals and as a couple. But we are stronger now, both as individuals and as a couple. I feel as though our relationship is stronger than it has ever been. For the first time since the plane crash I am looking at life with clarity that has been missing previously. The only other times that have given me even a sliver of the awareness have been the close calls that we lived through, the car crash, the gunman. The plane crash took me further away from myself than I had ever been, it took me far too long to make it back to myself, but the trials and tribulations between then and now have made me realize what is important to me, what makes me happy, it's Callie and Sofia. Anything else is just trivia.

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I have been back to work now for two month with things going very smoothly. The ortho nurses are glad I am back as well. Webber has been very nice to me, maybe too nice, the suspicious part of me is wary.

Avery has been great and thrilled that I am back as well. Cristina and I make sure we have lunch together whenever we can, I have even found her up in day care with Sofia, Zola, and Bailey.

Today I decided to search out my wife, we seem to be missing each other recently due to our opposing work hours. I knocked on her office door before going in at her beckoning. "Hey, I brought lunch if you're interested." Arizona looked at me with the biggest smile on her face.

"I am starving, what do you have Calliope?"

"First, I want a kiss then you can have some Thai I had delivered for us."

"So what's going on that I get my wife and food for lunch Calliope?"

"Well I haven't really seen you, we seem to keep missing each other and I am feeling it. So I came here with an ulterior motive, to ask you to please be home for dinner tonight for a movie with Sofia and I. I am hoping you will say yes. I am also so hoping we don't have any problems do we? You haven't really been home, and I am feeling a little insecure, do I have something to be worried about Arizona?"

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"What? No Calliope, there is nothing, I have been working. There is this case I have been researching for days, trying to find a way to save this kid's life. I 'm sorry, when you get off, I will too." I got up out of my chair to sit in Callie's lap, I rested my forehead to hers and told her she will never ever have to worry about that. I leaned in for a kiss that started to get heated until she pulled back, trying to get oxygen into her lungs.

"I am so glad you came to me to tell me how you're feeling honey, that we are communicating. I guess I have kind of failed at that right now. I should have told you about my patient."

"I have something very important I need to discuss with you Arizona."

"Am I the one that needs to be worried Calliope?"

"Umm, I don't know where to start Arizona."

"Try the beginning honey."

"Ha, ha, funny Arizona. Well, back when I was in New York I met a very young Latino girl who was raped , beaten up, broken bones. I saw her again a few months later, she was pregnant. She and I spoke for a while and I helped her with some translation, also to make sure she got the right care. I know as a doctor not to get involved. She needed some help and guidance, I helped her out by putting her in contact with the right people."

I was sitting on Calliope's lap, listening to her talk as I was eating, almost choking when she said she called her. Now I have stopped eating to look at my wife, waiting for her to continue, not sure what was coming next, especially given her lack of assurance that I had nothing to worry about. I encouraged her to continue with her story by giving a nod of assent.

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"Well, she had a baby boy yesterday. The hospital called me for her, they put her on the phone. Then she asked me to adopt him. That if I didn't she was putting him up for adoption." I finally looked Arizona in the eye as she stared at me, waiting for me to continue. "I know this is probably not the right time, I know this, but I really would like to adopt him. Would you at least consider it? I know we only briefly talked about more kids, and we are probably not ready to take such a huge step, but Arizona, he's a baby, a newborn. All ten fingers and toes, please?" I knew I was begging. Arizona just looked at me still, finally she asked, "Are you sure Calliope?"

"I am more than sure sweetheart, we are in a much better place now, we're both doing great, Sofia is doing wonderfully, back to sleeping through the night. I think she is finally feeling secure."

"When do they need to know by?"

"As soon as possible."

"What do we have to do?" Arizona asked me. "Let me call the hospital back, let them know we are interested, and to start the paperwork. I will call my Dad to see if he can push through the red tape for us. I know they will need to check on us, we should pass without a problem."

"What about our past history Calliope? Being separated, my huge mistake." Arizona started to cry softly.

"Hey, don't worry about it, we will deal with it only if that becomes an issue. It only proves we're stronger than ever. I think this is the time to finalize the adoption of Sofia for you as well, what do you think Mrs. Torres?"


	19. Epilogue

Epilogue

"Calliope? Did you get the balloons?"

"Yes, Arizona."

"What about the cake?"

"Yes, Arizona."

"Did they have the party favors we wanted?"

I hear Callie sigh softly before replying, "Yes Arizona. Everything is ready, stop panicking."

I walk over and place my arms around her from behind, "I'm sorry Cal, I know I am being a pain, but it's our son's first birthday. It's an important day."

Callie turns around in my arms so that we are face to face, I can tell from the twinkle in her eyes that she is not really annoyed, just trying to get me to relax. "I know it is sweetie, everything will be perfect. I promise, and even if it isn't, it will still be perfect, because the four of us will be together, surrounded by people who love us."

A/N Thanks for reading


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